Tough truths

I'm catch up posting today. So first one, Day 24 of #30DayWritingChallenge is: Write about a lesson you learnt the hard way. 

Apologies in advance, this is a messy post, I know aren't they all? 

A tough lesson I am learning the hard way is, “To know the right thing, is not the same as doing the right thing.”

In my own life, I’ve always felt like I had to be everything to everyone in every way all the time. It’s a trait passed down by my mother, and one that has become integral to my own identity and way of being.   It means I’m extremely capable of taking on a lot. I even prefer it. But, everyone has a breaking point. I’ve been raised and have chosen to behave as though I have no breaking point, and to keep on, in spite of being past the breaking point. What I know to be true, is that in this life, you are going to fail and fall apart. This is a fact of life, because as a human being, you are inherently fallible. Which means, by design you are supposed to fail. Because failure gives you the opportunity to reassess, rebuild, and return stronger.

The problem is, the thing that I am learning the hard way is, to know something and to do it, are not the same things. And even though your brain tells you what you should do, your natural instinct to do stupid things anyway, in spite of knowing better, can sometimes win.

I have/ am learning this the toughest way possible, which is by knowing what to do, and then doing the thing that harms me and everyone else anyway. And then despite knowing that as a human being I have a breaking point, and I make mistakes, I am eternally punishing myself for allowing that which I knew would happen, happen. 

I’m telling myself to get to the lesson already.
The tough truth is you have to first hold yourself accountable if you want to "reassess, rebuild and return stronger." The words are easy to say, but the actions are difficult to carry out. 

It's difficult, but it's not complicated. Own your shit. Enough kerfuffling. Deal with yourself.

Adult. Deal. And be done.

The End.