What If?

Day 11 of #30DayWritingChallenge. The prompt is: Write about something you always think... "What if" about.

I am generally not one to look back and ponder on the "What ifs" about my life but, for the sake of this post, if I look back, there are decisions I’ve made that changed the course of my life. Thinking on it now, I do wonder where I would be had I made a different decision.

  • What if, I had majored in English instead of Business at University? What if I had really pursued being an author? I would maybe have published something I'm proud of, I would maybe actually being a travel journalist creating documentaries and creative nothings that people might actually enjoy and pay me for.
  • What if, I had never moved to American Samoa? All signs told me not to 8 years ago, I didn’t know anybody there, I hadn’t been there in over 10 years, I’d just gone through a bad break up, I looked down at Pago people (lol), I was wildly inexperienced for the job I was taking on.  But I was defiant in my independence and turned down another job offer, moved there anyway, against the advice of my parents because I wanted to prove I could slay it, also I wanted to make USD. What if, I hadn’t moved there? I might have ended up staying in Samoa, or moving to New Zealand and working there. In which case, I’d have that annoying kiwi accent which I hate so much. Lol
  • What if, I had moved there, and then made a different decision and said yes 8 years ago? Would I be blissfully happy? Would it have been doomed then like it is now? I’ll never know. I’ll often wonder.
  • Here’s a scary thought, what if I had never left American Samoa? What if I hadn’t quit my job? Maybe, I'd still be miserable, overweight and stuck in the middle of nowhere.  At least here, I am stuck in the middle of nowhere, and miserable but I am slightly less overweight. Also, I have gained quality time with my children which is priceless. But, what if? What if I got over myself and just got on with it? 
  • This is funny, in high school, there was a guy who liked me, like really liked me. I liked him, but he was too much, it freaked me out and I friend-zoned him. He was a really nice guy, and extremely churchy which was strange even then considering the number of times I say “fuck” throughout the day. What if, I ended up with that guy? Hahaha. Would I be teaching Sunday school and singing soprano in choir? Fucking doubt it. Hahaha. I saw through the crystal ball of FB some years ago that he married an equally churchy small town palagi girl, basically the antithesis of me, so I guess I dodged that bullet. LOL! I'm JOKING. LOL!