The worst of my fears played out, and I hurt everyone I love, including myself. And in the aftermath, I find myself at a point of no return, which is both empowering and incredibly frightening. It’s the feeling of foreseeing the damage and pain, but being unable to change your heart about a situation. Foreseeable, but inevitable, crushing pain.

I am functional, but my mind is a mess, and so the word that comes to mind is, “Refocus”. Realign yourself to task, to the goal at hand. A bad day, a bad month, a bad season, doesn’t have to equal a bad life. So pull it together, and keep it moving. And so it’s helpful to note the goals, as if by writing them, I’ll stand a chance at actually achieving them. Here they are in no particular order.

Goals for this week:
  1. To survive. To wake up and move forward each day. No matter what. 
  2. To eat clean, and slay my goal weight. (And to read my damn scale correctly this week) 
  3. To accept myself, in spite of myself. 

Goals for this month
  1. To start working, and be in the frame of mind to hit the ground running and kill the game from the first day. 
  2. To get the kids in sports, and to make sure they know each day how much I love them. (Now go win all the games, kids!)
  3. To stay ready, so I don’t have to get ready. To stay focused. To endure what comes, and believe that the end is worth the means 

Goals for this season
  1. To be lighter, but be able to lift heavier weight. To have some semblance of abs by Xmas, and more importantly, to enjoy ALL the cakes. 
  2. To be grateful and express my gratitude to my amazing family and friends, who love me despite what a disaster I've been these last few months (ok, years)
  3. To have bear hugs under the mistletoe & to make this the best Xmas yet for the kids 

Goals for the next year
  1. To come through stronger and be blissfully happy 
  2. To watch the kids thrive and be blissfully happy 
  3. To love, and be blissfully happy.