Showing posts from November, 2017

More Blue

More Blue from today
Literally, just woke up.

A Thank you card from my first grader's class
Watching my kid's softball practice analysing my daughter's game and thinking about putting her in extra coaching sessions. Lol

Something Blue

Day 11 of #30DayPhotoChallenge. Something Blue.

When I think of Blue, I think of Ocean. An assortment of ocean images I've taken in places I've been.
But first, I love/ believe this quote.

The Blue Hole, Espiritu Santo, Vanuatu
Mykonos, Greece

Moana O Sina, Fogagogo, American Samoa
Not sure which island in Kiribati this is
Utulei, American Samoa
The Hilton, Denarau, Fiji

Taga Blow Holes, Savaii, Samoa
Vaisala Beach, Savaii

What If?

Day 11 of #30DayWritingChallenge. The prompt is: Write about something you always think... "What if" about.

I am generally not one to look back and ponder on the "What ifs" about my life but, for the sake of this post, if I look back, there are decisions I’ve made that changed the course of my life. Thinking on it now, I do wonder where I would be had I made a different decision.

What if, I had majored in English instead of Business at University? What if I had really pursued being an author? I would maybe have published something I'm proud of, I would maybe actually being a travel journalist creating documentaries and creative nothings that people might actually enjoy and pay me for.What if, I had never moved to American Samoa? All signs told me not to 8 years ago, I didn’t know anybody there, I hadn’t been there in over 10 years, I’d just gone through a bad break up, I looked down at Pago people (lol), I was wildly inexperienced for the job I was taking on.Bu…

Childhood Memory

Day 10 of #30DayPhotoChallenge. Prompt is: Childhood Memory. 
Some pics from the archives.
I wrote in a physical diary before I threw up all my feelings in this blog. 
17 years old, at the beach. Always been on the chubby side. Always been meauli. Lol 
Favorite beach in the whole world. Vaisala Hotel Beach. I swam here ever since I can remember.  My siblings and I would walk here from our house and swim from sun up to sun down. 7 days a week. 
21 years old, staring at the sunset at my fave place. I've always loved sunsets, particularly the ones on the West Coast of Savaii. 

I just like this pic. :) Taken at my grandpa's house in Savaii on a really shitty video camera I owned when I was 16. 

This pic is taken at the old Asau Wharf in Savaii. I went here all the time as a kid. I once fell in looking over the edge, I would classify it as a near death experience as I literally thought I was going to be eaten by a shark. 
I just realized every one of these pics is taken in Savaii …

Fortunate Reminders

Day 10 of #30DayWritingChallenge. Write about something for which you feel strongly about:

I feel strongly about how fortunate I am:
I am the most up to date with work, than I have been in months.My kids are happy, healthy and thriving. My bond with them is stronger than ever before. I am capable of taking care of things myself. I took my own trash out today. Laundry, Cooking, Cleaning. Check. Check. Check. My bank account is healthier than it’s been in a long time. I have two jobs, they both pay well, and my employers are amazing and understanding. Have eaten clean consistently for 6 weeks. I weigh 179 lbs and I squat 135lbs today. I have family and friends whom love and support me. I am self aware, and brutally honest with myself in an effort to improve myself. Air in the lungs. Roof over the head. Food in the fridge. Netflix subscription. 
I feel strongly about my ability to overcome:
My heart feels unfixably broken.I am complicit and active in ruining that which is most sacred to me.…

Someone I love

Day 9 of #30DayPhotoChallenge. Someone you love.

When I think of people I love, the purest, deepest, strongest love there is, is that I have for my children. Here is my first born child loving my second born child.

May they always love each other as much as I love them.

When one was still inside me, and the other was wandering around beside me.

Just Stop.

Day 9 of #30DayWritingChallenge. Prompt is: Words of wisdom that speak to you. 

Positivity can resume tomorrow, today, fuck it all to hell. The words are: If it doesn't open, it's not your door.
Just stop.
Stop searching for signs in places you know you’ll never find them.
Stop seeking solace in people you know will never give it to you.
Stop turning stones, knowing you’ll only find shadows and ghosts.
Stop seeing more than there is, potential is not reality.
Release the mirages into the air, that’s all they really are.
Imagined visions, veiling empty realities.
It’s just mist and vapor. Smoke and mirrors.
Hot air parading as life giving sustenance on a day when you are literally dying of thirst.
Just stop.
If it doesn’t open, it’s not your door. If it’s not real, it’s fake.
If it left, it’s gone. Perhaps it was never there.
If it’s not actual nourishment, it’s just figments of your imagination deceiving it can give you life.
Don’t believe the hype.
Remember, you’re still dy…

Remind me of my gravity

#Mood #Feels

Can you remind me of my gravity?
Ground me when I'm tumbling, spiraling, plummeting down to Earth
You keep me down to Earth


Day 8 in #30DayPhotoChallenge. Prompt is: Routine.

Today was filled with a shitload of tomfoolery which meant no photo taking today except this from the gym this morning. Truth be told, it is worth documenting this period in my life when the gym is part of my daily routine, so here it is. 

As you can tell from the enthusiastic smile, I was a ball of sunshine today. 
PS - Stretching works PPS - New gym tights because the old ones don't fit.

Struggle is real

Day 8 of #30DayWritingChallenge. Prompt is: Share something you struggle with

Well, this would be a longer list but here's a short list of 10.
Not dramatizing my problems like they are the end of the world.  The writing helps me find perspective because I am self centered. Staying strong all the time. Lately, I'm tired of anchoring myself.Obeying my brain, instead of my heart.  I struggle with letting go of things I feel I want, even if it is irrational and painful to hold on. Changing my mind once it’s made up is near impossible. I usually eventually take the right path (whatever that is) but I will take the most difficult and painful path if that's where my emotions lead me. Obviously, because I'm stupid.  Waiting & Trusting.Not having the last word.Maintaining work life balance. I struggle with staying consistently healthy for long periods of time.  I'm also a chronic workaholic and my M.O. is to overcommit and take on too much at work.Not giving in to feeling…

Rock Bottom

I am like my heart.

Broken, ice cold and invisible.

Changes to come

Day 7 of #30DayPhotoChallenge. The prompt is: Changes to come.

Changes to come. I’m not sure exactly what they are and what they look like except I know for a fact they are coming, and all at once. I am trying to be brave and face head on the uncertainty, and tumult that is already abound and bound to escalate.

I am the self appointed captain of my life, but lately, my whole world has been turned upside down which has humbled me to accept that I cannot control everything and even when I think I have it all together, I can still fuck it up. Despite how “put together” I try to be, I am as faulty and prone to fucking up as the next human, but ultimately what defines me is who I become as I result of the shitstorms I created and go through.

That’s the bottom line. You either face the changes to come, and improve from them, or you make excuses to stay the same.

Today's attire \ It was on clearance \ Note to self

Give me life & Kill Me Playlist

Day 7 of #30DayWritingChallenge

Prompt: List 10 songs that you're loving right now.

So here it is, 10 songs from my playlists that give me life and kill me when I hear them. I recommend you listen with headphones and let the music squeeze you, especially Track 9.
By your side. By: SadeBambi. By: JidennaTorn. By: James TW Versace on the Floor. By: Bruno Mars Young, Dumb and Broke. By: Khalid Fake Denim. By: Quinn XCII Now or Never. By: Halsey What’s It Gonna Be. By: Busta Rhymes (feat. Janet Jackson) Morning Ride. By: Donell Lewis & Kenyon Brown Mary Mary. By: Fuse ODG (feat. Big Narstie)


Day 6 of #30DayPhotoChallenge


A random splattering of things I'm obsessed with using pics from my day yesterday.

1. Cake

2. Food in general

3. Dressing my girls up in coordinated clothing. Lol I hated when my mom did this to my sister and I as a kid, but I have shamelessly become "that mom". 

Here they are "spying" before bedtime in matching pink unicorn PJs #hearteyes Lol

4. Bathroom lighting

Ugh. So lit.

5. Weekends & GNO!


5 ways to win my heart

Day 6 of #30DayWritingChallenge

Five ways to win my heart
A couple of things about this list. Firstly, this is a pipedream/ wishlist/ "Do unicorns exist?" list, but I really don't care ay, let's just put this out into the universe shall we? Secondly, there are 2 extra things here because, I'm extra. Lastly, we assume my heart is worth all this effort, for the sake of this post, let's just assume that it is, ok? Lol  Understand me. Listen to me and acknowledge my point of view, even if you don’t agree. To know me is to win me over. You’ll know when I need a kind word, a grand gesture, a kiss, or to be told to shut the fuck up, and you give me what I need. Smart conversation, real growth, real connection is what makes me tick. Make me laugh. Humor is sexy as hell. My type of humor is wicked wit, puns, inside jokes, smart ass comebacks that really showcase your brains and lets you appreciate mine.Enjoy food with me. Indulge my ridiculous obsession with food. Let…

Friday Nights in #MomLife

Day 5 in #30DayPhotoChallenge. Prompt is: "After Dark"

Friday night, the kids and I are Netflixing in bed. Here we are watching Disney's "Hercules". We watched "Coco" at the movies earlier today. It was a super cute movie, I cried a bunch of times. Stupid Disney movies always make me cry. 
We are joined in bed by Miss 2's current bedtime toys of choice: Moana Plush blankie (the teal & orange one), Peppa Pig (with the yellow wand) and blue toy car. Excuse my blah face. It's been a shitty afternoon, I'm tired AF but my 2 year old took an epic nap this afternoon which means, we'll be up a while.  
My 2 year old is at that age where she loves spooky stuff but she's scared of the dark. We had the following conversation, tonight and basically every night. 
Miss 2: "Mommy, are there no ghosts in the dark?" Me: There's no ghosts. Miss 2: "What about zombies?" Me: No zombies, either. Miss 2: "No monsters or …

5 places I want to visit.

Day 5 of #30DayWritingChallenge. Prompt: 5 places I want to visit.
The Four Seasons, Maldives. For the gram.Machu Pichu, Peru. Bucket List.Vaoloto Lodge, Ofu, Manu’a (again). For the peace & serenity. The past. When I was blissfully ignorant.An alternate reality. Anywhere but here.

Something Green

Day 4 of #30DayPhotoChallenge. "Something Green"

I have been trying to eat sugar free & low/ zero carbs for the past month and a bit. It's the biggest catalyst to my recent weight loss, for those that have been asking me.  So, Greens have been a feature in basically all my meals for the last month. I'm low key sick of vegetables, and I actually like them, but I feel much cleaner and energized eating this way, not to mention lighter.  
I don't really meal plan, my way to eat this way is simply to keep healthy shit in (and bad shit out of) my fridge and decide what to cook when it's close to meal time. This means that some meals are great, and others are pretty pepelo, but it's working for me so far. 
Anyways, I'm posting this weeks meals so far, since they each have green & mostly because I've been needing somewhere to post these damn food pics Lol.  

Mon - Leftover steak, eggs, kale salad & corn

Tues - Sauteed zucchini, mushrooms, sala…

People who inspire me

Day 4 of #30DayWritingChallenge. The Prompt is, write about someone who inspires you
I’m feeling neither inspired nor in an inspiring mood, blame the Thanksgiving food coma, so I’m giving myself permission to ramble on in this post. I’ll list a range of people who inspire me and a reason why.
My late grandpa, Vaai Kolone is the most enduring example to me that you can achieve anything you put your mind to, no matter your circumstance or background. Hard work and humility will take you there. He built an empire using his hands and his brilliant mind. #Goals.My mother, obviously because she instilled the fear of God in me. Which remains to this day. Oprah Winfrey. Richest woman of color. Articulate. Charity Queen. Beyonce Knowles. Owner of empires. Ruler of legions of supporters and even more haters. The queen of being #unbothered in the face of crisis. Manu Samoa 1991 Rugby World Cup Team. And the Fijian Rugby 7s Team that won Olympic Gold in Rio 2016. Grit. Guts. Pure Heart. Winning ag…


On the eve of Thanksgiving, I offer, a list of things I am grateful for:

1. Not getting what I wanted, but instead getting what I needed. Painful as it’s been (and is), it needed to happen, even if I couldn’t give it to myself then. It’s given me the opportunity and courage to give it to myself now.

2. The time I’m spending with my children. I am more involved and engaged in their lives today more than ever before. They are happy, hilarious and amazing little monsters humans, and the daily discoveries of new things they do to drive me crazy or make me proud/ laugh are what I live for.

3. In spite of all my bitchy, ugly cry blogs, I feel stronger, more beautiful, settled in my own skin, and like “myself” than I have in a very long time.  This is everything.

4. Support of family and friends. They’ve been amazing. More than I deserve. Grateful for love, understanding and acceptance of my “people” in spite of my many mistakes and misgivings.

5. God’s grace. Despite …

Pet peeves

Day 3 of #30DayWritingChallenge: List 3 of your pet peeves

List three of your pet peeves:
Misuse of their/ there/ they’re and basic grammar errors like that. It’s not that hard, just learn it, guys. Clothes left on the floor next to laundry baskets. Like, they were 30 centimeters from where they belong, you couldn’t put them inside? When people don’t say thank you, or please. It’s not always necessary… actually, yes it is. It is. Say the words. This is a former pet peeve but: I used to hate eating in the car, I would make everyone wait til we got home to eat their fries from Maccas (my car, my rules). And then I had kids and my car is basically a mobile restaurant now. I don’t leave the house without snacks in my glovebox. Lol


Day 3 of my #30DayPhotoChallenge. The prompt is "Clouds".

Today was a cloudy day, it was windy, rainy, and overall more uncomfortable than I like, much like my life lately. The "clouds" in my life have been drab and literally have me pulling my hair out. (Get it? Like in the pic? Lol) Dramatic? Yes, a bit like the lighting filter i used in this pic. Rough as the weather's been, I do know that, like the blue peeking from behind the clouds, things will clear up eventually. It will.

Something someone said

Day 2 #30DayWritingChallenge

2. Write something that someone told you about yourself that you never forgot
My kids tell me every day, that I’m their best friend. I will never forget this, nor will I let them forget it when they're 16 and saying, "But moooooom!"

When I was in Japan when I was 17, a girl from Guam told me, “You know, you’re very articulate.” I don’t know why but it was such a great compliment. It stuck with me.

Someone once said, that I wasn’t too difficult, that I wasn’t too much, or not enough. That it was my faults that made me perfect.
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Something I wore today

Day 2 #30DayPhotoChallenge

2. Something you wore today

This shirt & this smile

(Excuse my leathery, old lady hands, and my cuts on my fingers from stupidly trying to plank on concrete. #BlardyFiaMalo Lol).  I wore this ring that belongs to my mother. When I told her that I was going to take it she said simply, "If you lose it, I will kill you." And trust me, she means it. Hence my relief when I lost another ring that I wore to keep this one in and not this one. My neck is safe. 

This super comfy hoodie that I have worn basically every day since I bought it (last week) because, its cold AF. 

10 things that make me really happy

Day 1 #30DayWritingChallenge

1. List 10 things that make you really happy

I wrote a bonus one. You're welcome.

The sound of my kids laughter. My daughters have my laugh which is that inappropriately loud, “did that just come out of you”? laugh. I love it. I could list all ten as things my kids do, but I won’t. When I have worked hard at something, and then have achieved it. A project. A to do list, waking up in the morning. I like to achieve with others, so I love winning at team sports, or if we’ve lost, but we played our asses off. Practising self love and feeling good in my own skin. The smell of my Dad’s cooking. My faves are his Saturday breakfast, and Sunday toanai.Cool breeze, quiet day, sunny skies, and submerging myself in cool ocean on a hot day. Preferably at Vaisala Beach. With an ice cold Vailima.Cake. And other sweets that caress your insides with sugar and love.Witty banter, laced with laughs. A conversation, or reading something that just connects and has me saying…

Self Portrait

Day 1 #30DayPhotoChallenge
Self Portrait 


So, my self imposed 30 day Facebook purge starts tomorrow. As an investment in my creative genius, I've decided to try and do more on the blog, aside from bitch about my life. This is my safe space, where no-one comes anyway, and so I'll try to do some actual creative things in here, and see what comes of it.  I have no idea whether I'd stick to this, but let's see how we go. If I finish this, it will put me right into Christmas, and hopefully launch a more creative, positive me into the new year.

First a photo challenge:

And secondly a writing challenge

My rules of these challenges are:  To try and be consistent.Try to have fun with it, but put in some effort, Fotu. Quality posts please.If I don't like the topic (or the rules) at some point, I get to change it to whatever I want.  Here goes #30DayChallenge