This from Lang Leav got me in the feels tonight:
I’ve always believed in my own power to build my own destiny, I’ve no doubt had moments where I’ve forgotten this, but ultimately it’s central to my life philosophy, that by and large, I am my thoughts and I create my reality, but lately, I’ve come to the realization that I alone can’t build and sustain the destiny of my dreams. Sure I can lead and steer, but everyone in the boat needs to row and have at least a perceived fair sharing of the load. In the short term rowing alone can seem fulfilling, it makes me glad to have courage in my convictions, and proud to be seizing control of my destiny, but in the long run, if you start to feel like you are the only one rowing the boat, the resentment is real when you realize your arms are fucked and you’re miles out at sea.

I’ve always believed in the power of choices, I still do, but lately, I’ve realized that there are just some things you don’t have power over.

Like, you can’t make people what they aren’t. And as Lang Leav points out, you can’t deny facts about who you love or don’t love, simply because it is inconvenient or painful. Dare I say it, to ask people to deny themselves and to deny the truth about love, is a more criminal act.

I’ve realized that, I shouldn’t always have to choose.
I don’t want to always be the one to choose.
I need to be chosen too.
To be helplessly absorbed into someone else’s aura, and feel safe in someone else’s boat, for a change.

By nature, I am that intense, move mountains and scale countries to make it happen type of love.
I am not quiet, unspoken, that's life type of love.
I am sickening. I am everything.  Rule the world, type of love.
I don’t have power over it. I’m just that.
I’ve tried to be other things but its brought me full circle more resolute in who I am and what I need.

It’s taken some tough turns to realize that I need someone else to have some courage and conviction too.
Someone that will let me lead, but also lets me fail into the strength and understanding I need to get back up.
And I shouldn't have to ask for it or explain it.
That shows me, unequivocally, and unmistakably that they choose me.
That oceans and universes are mere stepping stones towards me.
Because, they choose me.
Because there’s no choice, but me.

I get it, it’s a tall order.
But I’m a tall order. In all ways good and bad.
And so I’m not for everyone.
Trust me, today, I’m so fucking okay with that. 
As I've come to realize, not being for someone else doesn't diminish me or them, it just is what it is.

I guess its like our girl Lang Leav says, we don’t choose love. It chooses us.



MIS said…
I can so fucking relate to this! "Move mountains and scale the countries, type of love"

You have definitely got me all up in my feels today, thanks Fotu.
Fotu said…
You know what it is, girl! xoxo