You don't know

I know you know
That something's wrong

I see it in your annoyed glances
In your not so subtle hints
Which I gracefully curve and ignore

I know you know 
That I'm somewhere else

But I doubt, that you really know.

Do you know
The emptiness I’ve felt for so long
That I die a little more each time you do that which hurts me
That which you don't intend to hurt me,
That shouldn't hurt me, 
But hurts me anyway

Do you know
That I am disconnected
That I am haphazardly holding on
Clutching at straws, and reaching
Desperate for connection and understanding
At a basic human level

Do you know
That I love you
But I’m not sure that we are truly friends
I’m not even sure that if we weren’t “us”
Would we even be acquaintances?

I know that you know
That I seem distracted

I see it in your sullen eyes
I hear it in your snappy comebacks
As I pretend not to hear you
Silently screaming for you to see me,
To know me enough to save me

And swallowing the hurt in silence
Because fighting is futile
And after all the fighting and disagreeing
We've learnt nothing
Because this is so familiar
The yearn of wanting
The pain of disappointment
That turns to resentment

Do you know
That I am destroyed at the prospect of never being fully understood
By the person who should know me the most

Do you know 
That it absolutely breaks me that after all this time
That you really don’t know.
You don’t know the half of it

You don’t really know me.