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Showing posts from July, 2017

5 words.

I’ve been thinking and stressing and overthinking about when and where to move my family. I have dissected every risk and cost and played out all the scenarios that could go wrong, and the potential costs if things don’t pan out.
I watched a Ted Talk last week (as you do) about fear setting and the one thing the guy said in the video that stuck with me is that we often analyze what could go wrong if we did something, but often we don’t break down the consequences of what could go wrong if didn’t do something. Ie. If I don’t make this move, what does my life look like 6 months, 1 year, 5 years from now? Let me tell you, that I find terrifying.
I've spent time looking back at points in my career when there were things going on around me that should have phased me, but they didn't mostly because I was willfully ignorant of them. I knew about them but I chose to disengage my thoughts from them and just focus on the work before me, and building myself. In fact I've realized th…

Doing me

It’s been 6 weeks since I left my job. Aside from the withdrawals and emotional shit storm I dealt with facing that decision once I’d made it, the following things have happened. The boring crux of it is: I’ve become just a regular mom, doing regular mom shit. Lol. And I like it.
1.My kids and I have been spending much more time together, we are annoying each other. They’ve finally stopped asking me why I’m home from work so early because they’ve seen me home during the day more in the past 6 weeks than they have, basically ever in their lives.I’ve spent a lot more time doing simple shit, like sharing meals and trying to get them to eat something other than noodles, Happy Meals and cheese pizza.Yelling at them to pick up their damn toys, and answering their million and one questions with, “Because I fricking said so. Now go to sleep.” This is torture and bliss at the same time. 2.I actually went to the bank and did my own personal banking myself, at 1pm on a Wednesday afternoon. This…

That brutally honest B

I had the following conversation today with my brutally honest masseuse:
B – (looking me up and down as I walked in) “Girl, are you gaining?” Me – (Scowling in horror) “Yes, I am” B – (Laughs) Oka oka!
As she’s massaging me we have the following chat:
B – Are you still walking? Me – I’m trying to, I walked yesterday (ignoring that the fact that it was the first time in weeks) B – (In disbelief) MmmHmm
As I’m leaving…
Me – Thanks B, see you next week! B – Ok, love. Walk more!
Talk about shade!
I’m not mad about this because, I’m not above shade, lets be honest, I’m pretty fucking shady myself. Also, B is just that bitch that will tell you to your face what other bitches are saying behind your back, and also mirrors don’t lie.
Fuck.

Searching still

The first week back was unfortunately, yet unsurprisingly… drunken as I offered myself a pick-me-up beverage basically every day since I’ve been back due to one excuse or another (Meeting old friends, coz it was Wednesday, coz I was thirsty…).
I’ve decided to go on a detox. I know it’s comical but please don’t laugh, I’m trying here. I will report on that later, and hopefully not to report another failed attempt, although I’ll stress that the operative word there is “attempt”. Story of my life, #TeamTryAgain
As far as life goes, its still strewn with uncertainties and I’m trying to get sober adjust and find a new normal and new goals to get engaged and excited about. Trying to choose quickly but carefully, as I know once I reset the course of my life, it will likely pick up speed fast, because that's how I like to attack my goals, like a wrecking ball into a ton of bricks. 
The only things I know for sure are that we have a place to live for the next three months and I that am sti…