Showing posts from 2017

Highs & Lows

This is my last post for my #30DayWritingChallenge and the prompt is Highs and Lows for the month. This challenge has been cathartic to say the least, I’ve clearly already said a lot about my highs and lows throughout this month so I will try to keep this brief.

This month’s lows.
The low for the month, and in fact the year has been facing the absolute crumbling of my personal life.  I had no idea that subjecting myself and my family to a whirlwind of change would result in revealing cracks in my career, marriage, family life and sense of self, and then bursting them wide open.  This has involved having some extremely tough discussions about the past, present and future, and also coming to terms with my own mistakes and holding others to task for ways they've failed me. And lucky for me, we're not through it yet.

This month’s Highs.
The past month has been tough, and the future can only be better as a result.  The high for the month is that I stayed alive, and the kids have stay…

B&W | Self Portrait

Final #30DayPhotoChallenge post is a combination of last 2 days. Black & White, and Self Portrait.

My amazing and extremely talented friend Jenn Lemalu Photography took these extra portraits of me. She's amazing and she had me feeling and looking amazing in these. Thank you, sister!



Today was my first day at my new job. I listened to Kendrick Lamar’s “Be Humble” on the drive in, to prepare myself to be ready for anything. It was different from what I’m used to, I knew that obviously it would be. Bigger place, different lay of the land. It’s the same industry but different market, different segments from the ones I’m used to focusing on. The company is going through a merger, which is ironic because I just left a merger to join an even bigger one.

Something I found quite strange today was working in an environment where you don’t know everybody. I was introduced to a bunch of people but it was clear that you don’t even know everybody on your floor let alone in the company of 1300+ people. That’s quite a change from knowing just about everybody in the company and sister company by name, and knowing their families and seeing them at church, at the grocery story, etc.

I can see the job will challenge me in new ways than my old one, and I am excited at the prospect …

Flowers & Feels

Day 28 of the #30DayPhotoChallenge is: Flowers, I added the Feels.

Things that make me LOL

Day 28 of #30DayWritingChallenge is: Post five things that make you laugh out loud
Conversations with my kids, talking smack with my sister, and conversations with my extra friends or family members. There's just those people that you know can make you laugh, you know the ones.Champagne gives me the giggles. Alcohol in general puts me in the mood for a laugh. The TV Shows, “Whose Line Is It Anyway?” and old British comedies like “Fawlty Towers” and “Allo allo”. Witty funnies, and vids randomly shared on social mediaWhen the All Blacks or Australia lose in sports. Lol 

Xmas Lights

Day 27 of the #30DayPhotoChallenge is Celebration.

There hasn't been much of this, to be honest. This is the least celebrating I've done in the festive season, probably ever. December is usually a 31 day hangover for me so yea, it's different.

Last night though, the kids got to enjoy the Honolulu Christmas Lights. Here's some pics from the trip, and a bathroom selfie for good measure. Lol

Kick ass

Day 27 of #30DayWritingChallenge is: Conversely, write about something that is kicking ass right now.

It’s been the year of getting my ass kicked. It’s been the year of facing fears in just about every aspect of my life, career, mom life, marriage, health, self care. The truth is, I’m just grateful this year hasn’t killed me, not yet at least, there’s still 2 weeks left in the year.

Anyways, let's give this a whirl. Things that are kicking ass right now?

In spite of all my bitching and complaining, I can say that there are wins amongst the absolute fuckery of 2017. What’s going well.

1) Fighting fear and fighting for what I deserve. Being crazy stupid decisive enough to say, you know what, this is not serving me or growing me, I need to go. And then to go ahead and do that which terrifies me is something I’ve done this year. That in itself is a win, and it’s given me the resolve to keep doing it.

2) My fitspo. It’s all relative of course, I am kicking ass in this area compar…

Opportunities to improve

Day 26 of #30DayWritingChallenge is: Write about an area in your life you’d like to improve.
I feel like so many of my posts in this challenge have been on this topic in one way or another, I’m low key sick of it. Anyways, here’s a few more things I’d like to improve:
My technical knowledge. I’m clearly more adept at words and people and I know enough technical term and concepts and BS strategies to find my way around a room full of engineers, but I’ve considering getting a technical degree so I can out-tech the engineers as well. Lol. The variety and creativity of my mommy daughter activities. We do fun stuff, and my favorite thing to do is talk to them, but I want to do more crafty and creative stuff. My brief foray into the Stay At Home Life has me realizing how much better I could do this, and how much more fun and beneficial it would be for the kids to do stuff like make paper mache ornaments, learn about sea anemones at the beach and build a tree house with me.Baking. I love cake…

Close Ups

Day 26 of the #30DayPhotoChallenge was Close Up

Here's a few from my week:

Sauna tings
She's a thing of beauty
Yesterday's mani before I semi-ruined them while wrapping presents last night. As my mother would say, "It just looks like white out"

Many moons ago

Day 25 of #30DayWritingChallenge said: Think of any word. Search it on google images. Write something inspired by the 11th image.

The word I chose was: love

The 11th image was:

Many moons ago.  We were shadows. Blank canvases. Engulfed in dusk.  The sliver moon peeking at us. Smiling at the wonder in our eyes. The foolish hope in our hearts.  Young love.  So simple and pure.  Uncorrupted by life's cruelty.  When life's possibility Eclipsed it's risk When love was worth the gamble.  When there was nothing to lose. And everything to gain.  In love. A distant memory. Of love. Many moons ago. 

Patterns | Animal | Strangers

Catch up posts for the #30DayPhotoChallenge.

As usual, I didn't take pics for this challenge, these are just pics from my phone from the last few days.

Day 23 was Patterns

This delicious pattern was a sponge cake made by the one & only kuaback. Aside from being a beautiful badass, homegirl bakes too!  
The pattern I wear on me. Also the pattern of my messy bed amongst the raucous of trying to put the kids to sleep.
I tried this old lady dress on today. I liked the pattern. I know it looks low key like something from Manu'a store, but it's actually Calvin Klein. lol

Day 24 was: Animal
My daughter and I met this pretty puppy today. She is a cross between a poodle and some other exotic breed of dog. The owner, an old palagi man, told us she was a gift to his wife from a Buddhist monk in Thailand. That's a long trip for a bitch to make. 
Day 25 was: Stranger

I loved this painting that I saw at Koa Pancake House in Wahiawa, I find the haunting beauty of this strange girl m…

Tough truths

I'm catch up posting today. So first one, Day 24 of #30DayWritingChallenge is: Write about a lesson you learnt the hard way. 
Apologies in advance, this is a messy post, I know aren't they all? 

A tough lesson I am learning the hard way is, “To know the right thing, is not the same as doing the right thing.”

In my own life, I’ve always felt like I had to be everything to everyone in every way all the time. It’s a trait passed down by my mother, and one that has become integral to my own identity and way of being.   It means I’m extremely capable of taking on a lot. I even prefer it. But, everyone has a breaking point. I’ve been raised and have chosen to behave as though I have no breaking point, and to keep on, in spite of being past the breaking point. What I know to be true, is that in this life, you are going to fail and fall apart. This is a fact of life, because as a human being, you are inherently fallible. Which means, by design you are supposed to fail. Because failure …

Dear Santa

Day 23 of this #30DayWritingChallenge is: Write a letter to someone, anyone.

Given that 'tis the season, I’m taking my inspiration from my 6 year old’s letter to Santa. 

So here's mine: 
Dear Santa,

I’m going to be honest, I’ve been bad this year. I let a lot of people down, I’ve been more selfish than I have in a long time, and I have complained basically all year long. 
 At the risk of sounding like I'm making excuses (I am) in my defense, this year has been excruciatingly shit to me. So anyways, besides the fact that you are a stupid white people's tradition that does not actually exist, I’m fairly certain that you would find it entirely too brazen of me to even write to you and ask you for anything this Christmas. All that said, here’s my list, don’t forget anything on it.

Things I want for Christmas:
Calm in my heart. Can all this bullshit, please just be over? And my problems go back to being what I want to eat today and who I need to resist firing today?Please give m…


So Day 22 of the #30DayPhotoChallenge says I’m supposed to post this pic challenge about Inspiration. Here’s how inspired I’m feeling. 

The correct theme for this should be Triggered, because that's what the fuck I am. 
Lately, I have been doing my damndest to be outwardly calm in spite of the shit storms and MF drama I am trying to sort through. I've been trying to stay focused, and keep things moving along, looking after the kids, working, managing the finances, cleaning, cooking, oh just you know, doing fucking all of it
Unsurprisingly, I eventually lost my marbles. There were punches and chairs thrown, cops called. All around ugliness.  Lowest moment of my 33 years.  Since then, the vow to self was to keep my shit together, and try to adult my way through this, because you know, I'm good at pretending to be civilized and not a crazy bitch. Have been doing pretty well on that front, and then today, one small seemingly benign act of selfishness has me enraged to the po…

More Music

Day 22 of #30DayWritingChallenge is: Put your music on shuffle and post the first 10 songs.

1. No Way – Crazy Cousinz, Yxng Bane & Mr. Eazi (feat. Lily Mckenzie)
2. Bodak Yellow – Cardi B
3. Bestie – Yungen (feat. Yxng Bane)
4. Bad Boy – Fally Ipupa (feat. Aya Nakamura)
5. Get Right Witcha - Migos
6. Rihanna – Yxng Bane
7. Easy – Demetria McKinney
8. Love & Affection – Three Houses Down (feat. General Fiyah)
9. Naughty Ride – Wizkid (feat. Major Lazer)
10. Location - Khalid
11. Starving - Hailee Steinfield & Grey (feat. Zedd)
A bit about this playlist: Most of these are work out songs. I run/ lift to 1, 3, 4, 5, 6 all the time.I was not initially impressed with Cardi B, but you gotta love her die hard IDGAF attitude and that she has the self esteem of a queen while still being Hood AF. So I put away my judgy haterade, and I say - go get yours, Cardi! Get it! Lol Track 4 is a random French song, that I love to cardio to. It gives s…

After the kids go to bed.

Most nights, after the kids go to sleep, if I'm not too tired, or cleaning, I will sit on the floor of my bedroom to plan my next day, work, blog, read and tweet in the dark hours of the night.

Day 21 of #30DayPhotoChallenge is: Faceless Self Portrait.

Good night, world.

Lessons for my children

Day 21 of #30DayWritingChallenge is: What 3 lessons do I want my children to learn from me?

There's 2 extra but extremely necessary ones listed.
Believe in yourself, you can do anything. My darlings, you need to know that you are strong and powerful beyond measure, and you have it in you to make anything happen and be anything. If you want it, you can do it. Never let anyone make you believe otherwise. Success is loving yourself, what you do and how you do it. Children, never measure your worth against standards of other people. Take advice, listen to others and learn from others, but decide for yourself, what is good enough for you. Know you are good enough, and what you do and how you do it is good enough. Hard work, failure, conflict, and difficult situations are a part of life. My dears, the truth is life can be hard sometimes, many times. You have a choice, you can let them break you, or you can let them build you. Don’t run from the fire, it will always find you. Face challe…

In my bag

Day 20 of #30DayPhotoChallenge is: Inside my bag.

My handbag has reduced in size over the years, as I've realized that the bigger the handbag the more receipts and useless crap you end up carrying around. I actually have a big handbag of useless stuff that is in my bedroom that I don't carry around. The only thing that I actually remember is in there is my kids passports. This is basically what I carry around now which has only essentials, cash, cards, checks.

In actual fact though, I carry with me at least these 2 bags as well. Lol

My 2 year olds Paw Patrol backpack which has a change of clothes, kids jackets in case they get cold, wipes, snacks, water, a medical kit, etc. What's missing here is her separate lunch bag that she insists on taking. And I usually carry another bag for groceries, that I'll use to carry gym gear, work documents, my laptop, or the kitchen sink or whatever else I'm carrying that day. See, down sizing! Lol

Also, I think I want a new handbag…

My GOT Baes

Day 20 #30DayWritingChallenge is to Post about 3 celebrity crushes, I mean really? #eyeroll. I'll do you one better & I’ll post three GOT character crushes. Lol 

Khal Drogo. I have a bigger crush on Khal Drogo than on Jason Momoa, because primal, animal instinct, tame the beast kind of attraction is kind of hot. I don’t know what we’d talk about but the sex might kill me before that anyway. Hahaha. 

Tormund Giantsbane. Rugged. Brawn. Brave AF. He needs meat on his woman, not one of those waif like skeletons. Being that I am not a skeleton, this is a good thing. Lol. Also, he seems like he gives great hugs.

I mean, ladies, amirite?

Daario Naharis. Ok, he’s a little bit pretty, but abs never hurt anyone. Also he seems eager to worship the queen, if you know what I mean. Hahaha.

Ok, this post is way too extra. Sorry (Not Sorry) Lol.

The End.

You drive me glazy.

Day 19 of #30DayPhotoChallenge is Something you want.

I want a lot of things including for my kids to go to Harvard, a ton of passive income, defined triceps and back dents, and World Peace.

But what I want mostest, most of the time is usually something like this.

It smells divine.

First Love

Day 19 of #30DayChallenge is to Discuss your first love.

Well obviously my first love is a toss up between cake and vodka. But if this refers to relationships with boys, then I've already said it. If you dig deep enough into this blog, it’s all here.

I’ll just say it was a tough lesson in accepting less than I deserve, and being enough all on my own. I’m not sure I’ve learnt this lesson thoroughly enough given recent events, but that’s what comes to mind when I think of this topic.

It was a girl who stupidly helplessly chose a boy who seemed flattered (even surprised) at the attention, but ultimately was not willing to choose her in the same way. The same “if it’s meant to be it will be” attitude that continues to rear it’s ugly head at me, even now in my old age.

Hmm. Reflections are funny aren’t they? When you think you’ve grown, and you realize that maybe you’re still just a silly girl in some ways.

Anyways, about that first love, I’m glad it happened, I’m more glad that it even…

Your shoes

Day 18 of #30DayPhotoChallenge is: Your Shoes. 
I love shoes. I used to consider myself a full on addict. I was broke but I had more shoes than I knew what to do with. I don't collect shoes anymore, but I still appreciate a pretty pair. Like this one that I put on just for this pic, because the actual shoes I wore today were my Nikes and I posted a pic of them yesterday. lol. 
So this pair, I bought in London at Primark (which is like K Mart) for about 20 pounds. I've worn them, once maybe. I can't even remember where but I do remember that they are more uncomfortable than they look. They are a decent calf workout too because, I mean, look at how skinny that heel is. You really think those stilettos can hold my weight up? Maybe but do you think I risk that? No, way Becky! Absolutely not. But is it worth it? Yes, hunty. The answer is yaasssss. 
Pain is beauty. 

30 Facts

Day 18 of the #30DayWritingChallenge is: 30 Facts about myself

As if I don’t post enough self indulgent crap on here. It’s been a long day, so you’ll just have to take the shoddy quality of this post. Here it is:
I am 33 years old. People have always thought I was older. Must be the wrinkles. Being a mother is by far the toughest job I’ve ever had, because literally lives are at stake, and you can’t bullshit your way through it. There are so many ways I need to do better at it. I directly associate food with happiness. I've learned recently that it's my "sugar bugs", this does not deter me in the least from wanting to eat what I want to eat. Lol. This explains my weight woes over the years. From first grade, I went to school with a bunch of palagi kids, and it taught me that they’re just as dumb as you are, they don’t know more even if they act it. It’s been one of the most useful and enduring lessons from my formal education. I’ve lived in Samoa, American Samoa, New Z…