Showing posts from 2017


So Day 22 of the #30DayPhotoChallenge says I’m supposed to post this pic challenge about Inspiration. Here’s how inspired I’m feeling. 

The correct theme for this should be Triggered, because that's what the fuck I am. 
Lately, I have been doing my damndest to be outwardly calm in spite of the shit storms and MF drama I am trying to sort through. I've been trying to stay focused, and keep things moving along, looking after the kids, working, managing the finances, cleaning, cooking, oh just you know, doing fucking all of it
Unsurprisingly, I eventually lost my marbles. There were punches and chairs thrown, cops called. All around ugliness.  Lowest moment of my 33 years.  Since then, the vow to self was to keep my shit together, and try to adult my way through this, because you know, I'm good at pretending to be civilized and not a crazy bitch. Have been doing pretty well on that front, and then today, one small seemingly benign act of selfishness has me enraged to the po…
Day 22 of #30DayWritingChallenge is: Put your music on shuffle and post the first 10 songs.

1. No Way – Crazy Cousinz, Yxng Bane & Mr. Eazi (feat. Lily Mckenzie)
2. Bodak Yellow – Cardi B
3. Bestie – Yungen (feat. Yxng Bane)
4. Bad Boy – Fally Ipupa (feat. Aya Nakamura)
5. Get Right Witcha - Migos
6. Rihanna – Yxng Bane
7. Easy – Demetria McKinney
8. Love & Affection – Three Houses Down (feat. General Fiyah)
9. Naughty Ride – Wizkid (feat. Major Lazer)
10. Location - Khalid 11. Starving - Hailee Steinfield & Grey (feat. Zedd)

A bit about this playlist: Most of these are work out songs. I run/ lift to 1, 3, 4, 5, 6 all the time.I was not initially impressed with Cardi B, but you gotta love her die hard IDGAF attitude and that she has the self esteem of a queen while still being Hood AF. So I put away my judgy haterade, and I say - go get yours, Cardi! Get it! Lol Track 4 is a random French song, that I love to cardio to. It gives serious Zumba vib…

After the kids go to bed.

Most nights, after the kids go to sleep, if I'm not too tired, or cleaning, I will sit on the floor of my bedroom to plan my next day, work, blog, read and tweet in the dark hours of the night.

Day 21 of #30DayPhotoChallenge is: Faceless Self Portrait.

Good night, world.

Lessons for my children

Day 21 of #30DayWritingChallenge is: What 3 lessons do I want my children to learn from me?

There's 2 extra but extremely necessary ones listed.
Believe in yourself, you can do anything. My darlings, you need to know that you are strong and powerful beyond measure, and you have it in you to make anything happen and be anything. If you want it, you can do it. Never let anyone make you believe otherwise. Success is loving yourself, what you do and how you do it. Children, never measure your worth against standards of other people. Take advice, listen to others and learn from others, but decide for yourself, what is good enough for you. Know you are good enough, and what you do and how you do it is good enough. Hard work, failure, conflict, and difficult situations are a part of life. My dears, the truth is life can be hard sometimes, many times. You have a choice, you can let them break you, or you can let them build you. Don’t run from the fire, it will always find you. Face challe…

In my bag

Day 20 of #30DayPhotoChallenge is: Inside my bag.

My handbag has reduced in size over the years, as I've realized that the bigger the handbag the more receipts and useless crap you end up carrying around. I actually have a big handbag of useless stuff that is in my bedroom that I don't carry around. The only thing that I actually remember is in there is my kids passports. This is basically what I carry around now which has only essentials, cash, cards, checks.

In actual fact though, I carry with me at least these 2 bags as well. Lol

My 2 year olds Paw Patrol backpack which has a change of clothes, kids jackets in case they get cold, wipes, snacks, water, a medical kit, etc. What's missing here is her separate lunch bag that she insists on taking. And I usually carry another bag for groceries, that I'll use to carry gym gear, work documents, my laptop, or the kitchen sink or whatever else I'm carrying that day. See, down sizing! Lol

Also, I think I want a new handbag…

My GOT Baes

Day 20 #30DayWritingChallenge is to Post about 3 celebrity crushes, I mean really? #eyeroll. I'll do you one better & I’ll post three GOT character crushes. Lol 

Khal Drogo. I have a bigger crush on Khal Drogo than on Jason Momoa, because primal, animal instinct, tame the beast kind of attraction is kind of hot. I don’t know what we’d talk about but the sex might kill me before that anyway. Hahaha. 

Tormund Giantsbane. Rugged. Brawn. Brave AF. He needs meat on his woman, not one of those waif like skeletons. Being that I am not a skeleton, this is a good thing. Lol. Also, he seems like he gives great hugs.

I mean, ladies, amirite?

Daario Naharis. Ok, he’s a little bit pretty, but abs never hurt anyone. Also he seems eager to worship the queen, if you know what I mean. Hahaha.

Ok, this post is way too extra. Sorry (Not Sorry) Lol.

The End.

You drive me glazy.

Day 19 of #30DayPhotoChallenge is Something you want.

I want a lot of things including for my kids to go to Harvard, a ton of passive income, defined triceps and back dents, and World Peace.

But what I want mostest, most of the time is usually something like this.

It smells divine.

First Love

Day 19 of #30DayChallenge is to Discuss your first love.

Well obviously my first love is a toss up between cake and vodka. But if this refers to relationships with boys, then I've already said it. If you dig deep enough into this blog, it’s all here.

I’ll just say it was a tough lesson in accepting less than I deserve, and being enough all on my own. I’m not sure I’ve learnt this lesson thoroughly enough given recent events, but that’s what comes to mind when I think of this topic.

It was a girl who stupidly helplessly chose a boy who seemed flattered (even surprised) at the attention, but ultimately was not willing to choose her in the same way. The same “if it’s meant to be it will be” attitude that continues to rear it’s ugly head at me, even now in my old age.

Hmm. Reflections are funny aren’t they? When you think you’ve grown, and you realize that maybe you’re still just a silly girl in some ways.

Anyways, about that first love, I’m glad it happened, I’m more glad that it even…

Your shoes

Day 18 of #30DayPhotoChallenge is: Your Shoes. 
I love shoes. I used to consider myself a full on addict. I was broke but I had more shoes than I knew what to do with. I don't collect shoes anymore, but I still appreciate a pretty pair. Like this one that I put on just for this pic, because the actual shoes I wore today were my Nikes and I posted a pic of them yesterday. lol. 
So this pair, I bought in London at Primark (which is like K Mart) for about 20 pounds. I've worn them, once maybe. I can't even remember where but I do remember that they are more uncomfortable than they look. They are a decent calf workout too because, I mean, look at how skinny that heel is. You really think those stilettos can hold my weight up? Maybe but do you think I risk that? No, way Becky! Absolutely not. But is it worth it? Yes, hunty. The answer is yaasssss. 
Pain is beauty. 

30 Facts

Day 18 of the #30DayWritingChallenge is: 30 Facts about myself

As if I don’t post enough self indulgent crap on here. It’s been a long day, so you’ll just have to take the shoddy quality of this post. Here it is:
I am 33 years old. People have always thought I was older. Must be the wrinkles. Being a mother is by far the toughest job I’ve ever had, because literally lives are at stake, and you can’t bullshit your way through it. There are so many ways I need to do better at it. I directly associate food with happiness. I've learned recently that it's my "sugar bugs", this does not deter me in the least from wanting to eat what I want to eat. Lol. This explains my weight woes over the years. From first grade, I went to school with a bunch of palagi kids, and it taught me that they’re just as dumb as you are, they don’t know more even if they act it. It’s been one of the most useful and enduring lessons from my formal education. I’ve lived in Samoa, American Samoa, New Z…


So I'm playing catch up on my #30DayPhotoChallenge. Day 17 prompt was Technology.

Being the tech enthusiast that I am I wanted to be more creative with this one but this week has been epic levels of shitty, I'm out of time so I'm keeping it simple and based on the pics I took (which I did not take for the purposes of this challenge. Lol) I'm sharing how I used technology in my day.

Technology allowed me to read the outrageousness of how cold it is here at the moment. I get it, there are places way colder, I just don't care about that. It's Cold AF. 

Technology allowed me to make this slice of toast for my daughter which she took a single bite of before declaring she was done. It also allowed me to filter it and post it on social media because if it's not there, it never happened.

Literally the only pic I took from yesterday. Technology has so aptly captured the mood of the day.

Technology helped me cook this meal. today 


Day 17 of #30DayWritingChallenge is:

Write about your zodiac sign and whether or not it fits you.

Now, if you know me, you’ll know I assign a little too much meaning to my horoscope. There have been stretches of time in my life when I read my horoscope every day and tried to relate it to my life. Lol! I think the reason is that astrology as just another framework to help fulfill my insatiable need to understand the world and it’s peculiar people. I'm sane enough to know that it's all a bit wishy washy. #Science, right? Now that said, I will completely judge you based on your star sign. Lol.

As for me, I am a Capricorn. I’ve always identified as such. I would consider myself fairly typical of Capricorn sign, particularly the following traits.

Know it all.

Is this me? In a word, Yes. I would consider myself all of these things in varying doses.

The element of C…

I miss how good it felt

Day 16 of #30DayWritingChallenge is: Something you miss

I have been extremely sober. This has been good for me, fewer calories, few hangovers, fewer dollars spent, fewer cloudy decisions. And the truth is, I don’t really miss it. I don’t miss the drunken foolishness, the big spenders remorse, or the beastly hangovers. But I do miss that feeling that sometimes only liquor can give you.
I miss the slow burn of whiskey warming up my insides.  
I miss the instant fire that is tequila, scalding me and saving me at the same time. 
I miss how it consumed me completely. I miss how good it felt.

I swear I'm not an alcoholic, but yes, I miss it.

Good Habits

Today's #30DayPhotoChallenge is: A good habit.

Here's a few from my day today:

 1. Eat Well. Boss was in town so we did lunch at my fave Japanese spot in Waikiki. Shokudos! I made healthy choices today. 

2. Try new recipes.I felt like eating beef some new way, so I decided to find a recipe for low carb beef stew (thank you Pinterest) and made this today.  I varied the recipe a lot based on what I had in my fridge but, I've been patting myself on the back all day for it because it tasted amazing. Lol. 

3. Appreciate beauty, even on the dark days. Especially on the dark days. Took this on my walk to the gym. So pretty. 

4. Eat iron, if you can help it. Rested yesterday so did Leg Day and Chest Day today, because why not?

5. Love hard. Find you someone that loves you this much. 

Manic Monday

Day 15 of #30DayWritingChallenge is "Bullet point your whole day."

You may have noticed, I love a good bullet point list. The attributes of a good bullet point list are that it is concise, to the point, and brief.  This list is none of those things, lol, This is lengthy and drones on about my boring day today. If you read this in it's entirety, you the real MVP. Lol. #SorryNotSorry. So here it is, my Manic Monday.
12am – 2am: Senselessly awake randomly surfing internet (mostly Twitter). I watched the second half of “A Christmas Prince” on Netflix (watched the first half a few days ago with my girls. It has a disgusting fairytale ending that leaves a bad taste in my mouth. Finally drift to sleep. 6.45am - 7.10am: Woke up late (usually up at 6). Rushed 6 year old to brush teeth & get ready. Made oatmeal for (sleeping) Miss 2 (Miss 6 eats breakfast/ lunch at school), braided Miss 6's hair, checked her homework, packed her snacks. 7.10am - 8am: Carried sleeping Miss 2…


Day 15 of #30DayPhotoChallenge. The prompt is "Silhouette"

Taken today @ Softball Practice. The silhouette is that of world against that beautiful Mililani, sky. 

This is my every day silhouette, hair in a messy bun, looking tired AF. Lol No, this is not really a silhouette, this is just me on my kids floor today @7.30pm enjoying 5 minutes of peace. I couldn't decide which of the filters I liked the best, so you get all 4. (You're welcome)

This was taken 5 mins after the pic above. Miss 2 barged into the room found me on the floor. (Naturally) she jumped on me and said, "Mommy, you're such a comfy bed!" And, its only Monday.

3 Questions.

Well damn, Lang. You went there.
The truth is, I only want the first 2 questions. Fuck the 3rd.

New Music Playlist

Things I'm listening to this week.
Obsessed. By: Maggie LindermannPretty Girl Rock. By: Keri Hilson (Oldie but a goodie!)No Drama. By: Not3s (feat. Shakka & Tinie Tempah)OMG. Camila Cabello (feat. Quavo)Juicy Booty. By: Chris Brown (feat. Jhené Aiko & R. Kelly)I Miss You. By Clean Bandit (feat. Julia Michaels)Garden (Say it Like Dat). By: SzaSomething New. By: Zendaya (feat. Chris Brown)Bad at Love. By: HalseyReminder (Remix). By The Weeknd (feat. A$AP Rocky)


Day 14 of #30DayPhotoChallenge is Eyes. I should really call this post Selfies. Lol

I like sunlight on faces, and especially on eyes. Snapchat filters help too.

Movies I love

Day 14 of #30DayWritingChallenge is post your favorite movies that you never get tired of watching.  I've seen a lot of movies, many I've enjoyed one time. These are the ones that I've seen at least more than 10 times.

The Lion King. I recall watching it for the first time and feeling everything in the possible spectrum of emotions as a kid. The sadness and desperation when Mufasa dies, the slapstick funny of Timon and Pumba, and the music. From the opening “Naaaaants ingonyama…” Circle of Life track, to Hakuna Matata, to Scar’s Be Prepared, to Can you Feel the Love, so many good song in that movie.

The Shawshank Redemption. Is there a more beautiful film? The story, the one liners, the dry brainy humor, the realness of the friendship between Red & Andy, and the moment of redemption at the end. The story is so good, it unravels so gently and comes together full circle so tightly in the end. It’s written and told so brilliantly, that is the type of writer I want to be. I…


My shirt, my hair and my new curtains are Mood AF.


Day 13 of #30DayPhotoChallenge is: Cannot Live Without

I'm taking this opportunity to post all my meals from this week because, aside from the fact that I literally, cannot live without food, I'm sure you're tired of pics of my kids. Lol. Also, side note: Not that you care, but I'm tracking my weight and progress here.

Thanksgiving leftovers & bok choi
Eggs, sausages & turkey, bok choi
Peanut butter & celery sticks. Turkey & sausages with onions. Steamed Bok choi
Turkey soup, Sausage & Bok choi, boiled eggs
Low Carb burgers. This was my first time making these, they were damn delicious.
Pork chops & veges
Pork chops & steamed veges & pumpkin salad (I know, veggies two ways, so extra. Lol)
Salmon & Caesar Salad. So good.
This chocolate cake was amazing. It came with this berry compote and whipped cream. Ugh. So good. I also can't live without these 2 brats.
I failed at ordering "clean" food during this meal. Lol 

What excitement?

Day 13 of #30DayWritingChallenge is: Write about something you are excited about. More like, what excitement? 
Last night, all hell broke loose. Like in a serious way. It was utter bullshit. I am still hot damn pissed about it because ain’t nobody got TIME for that shit.

So today, I am still consumed with anger, I am struggling to find anything to be excited about.

Anyways, here goes nothing.
Tonight I’m taking the kids to their Softball Club Xmas party, they’re super excited. I’m excited for them.My folks are coming in a few weeks. This should mean more help with the kids, more free time for me to able to pull my damn self together. I need to go away, so badly. I’m excited to fast forward to three months from now, I know shit will be vastly different. Because I will make it such. Yes, I’m excited for that day when all this BS is over.Lastly, I'm getting myself the iPhoneX for Xmas, I am legit excited about that. Ok, I’m going to stop there.  Let’s hope tomorrow has something othe…

Samoan Sunsets

Day 12 of #30DayPhotoChallenge was one of my favorite things ever, Sunsets. I pulled a few old pics from eons ago, pics I took in Samoa, literally a life time ago.

July 2011, Afiamalu, Samoa
December 2011, Samoa
July 2012, Apia, Samoa

The reasons I love sunsets so much aside from their blazing beauty, is the reminder they are (to me) of our smallness in the world. The sunset is happening because the planet is turning on its axis, we are about to be engulfed in darkness, but not before being reminded of the suns sheer power and beauty. You have no say, the world keeps turning, time keeps ticking, and before you know it, and not that you can help it, a new day is upon us.


Day 12 of the #30DayWritingChallenge is: List 5 blessings in your life. I kind of rant about my blessings all the time on the blog in my efforts to convince myself how great my life is, so instead I will list 5 Skills. 

New skills I’m discovering I have
I took my own trash out this week, it didn't kill me.I changed the ink cartridge of my printerI changed the bottle of my water dispenserI arranged with a mechanic to fix the side mirror on my car I busted last weekLiving without FB. It's been 12 days, I don't miss it as much as I thought I would.
Old skills, I’ve been re-polishing
Winning arguments. Don’t come for me, I will fuck you up. Cooking and cleaning the kitchen at the same time. I am the multi-task queen.Being on a work conference call while helping Miss 6 do her homework at the same time so we can make it to Softball practise on time and don't have to try and do homework while she's dead tired after practise. This involves steady, strategic use of the mute but…

More Blue

More Blue from today
Literally, just woke up.

A Thank you card from my first grader's class
Watching my kid's softball practice analysing my daughter's game and thinking about putting her in extra coaching sessions. Lol

Something Blue

Day 11 of #30DayPhotoChallenge. Something Blue.

When I think of Blue, I think of Ocean. An assortment of ocean images I've taken in places I've been.
But first, I love/ believe this quote.

The Blue Hole, Espiritu Santo, Vanuatu
Mykonos, Greece

Moana O Sina, Fogagogo, American Samoa
Not sure which island in Kiribati this is
Utulei, American Samoa
The Hilton, Denarau, Fiji

Taga Blow Holes, Savaii, Samoa
Vaisala Beach, Savaii