Life advice from a drunken 29 year old

I've had a splitting headache since about 2pm today. I can feel the familiar knotting pains of stress knots in my neck & shoulders already creeping in. 6 months of exercise & peace searching undone in just the first week of the year. Ha! I've a sneaking suspicion that it's a sign of what 2014 has in store for me. Work & stress knots. And crazily, I'm ready for it. I'm sure my chiropractor misses me anyway.

I turn 30 in a few weeks. I've looked forward to turning 30 since 25 lol. I've always considered it a point in life where one comes into ones own. You've lived through the frightening inexperience & naïveté of your teens, having lived through your fair share of mistakes and mishaps in your twenties, and you come out the other end having shed unnecessary insecurities leaving a more refined sense of self and being more comfortable in your own skin. That's at least as I envisioned it. On the eve of my 30th, well,  I don't feel all that. But there's still a few weeks to go right? Lol

I saw in the new year, like all mature almost 30 year olds, in an extreme drunken stupor. (May the photo evidence never surface so help me God!) I spent New Year's Day clinging to my floor for dear life and swearing to never drink again, like, Ever.

I've spent the following week being disgustingly reflective about what I've learnt in the last year and pondering whether I'll forever be a drunk, even after I'm 30 (which lets face it, it's quite likely). Anyyyyyways, here are my list of lessons from 2013 I wish someone had told 20 year old me.

1. Work hard, even when it's thankless - it's rewarding, until it's not, than ask for a raise or leave.

2. Your friends are the ones that still love you even though you suck at keeping in touch & forgive you when you've been asshole, sooo stop being an asshole & put in the effort to keep in touch.

3. Men are simple creatures. Unfathomable as it may be - they aren't stressing over you. And if they're just not that into you - get over it and find someone who is.

4. Succeeding in your chosen field is not only possible - it's a conscious choice you make to not just do things to be successful but to become a more successful version of yourself. I know that's waffly & intangible & cliche crap but it's true. You'll be surprised how easy it is once you internalize it, and the biggest evidence of that is how not smart some "successful" people are.  The power of self belief, eh.

5. Love your body. Trust me, even on your off day, you're still relatively hot. And I say relatively because, you ain't no Kim K bitch, sit down! But you know what, nobody likes a Debbie Downer, so pull yourself together Khloe, you're cute too, so you better werk!

6. Exercise is a bitch, but again, it's worth the pain, so deal with your laziness and get your ass on a goddamn treadmill.

7. The best form of self pity is a stiff drink but please don't take it past the hangover. Ok, write a bitchy blog and get it out of your system but be a grown woman and build the bridge. This applies to grudges, arguments with friends, spousal disagreements, work drama, and good old haters.

8. Fight fair in love. We all know what an angry & difficult cow I can be, nobody knows this better than my long suffering husband (and staff!). I've learned that being right isn't all it's cracked out to be. And true friendship & mutual respect are what allows you to scrape through the first two years of marriage. Lol.

9. Family is everything. Whatever bitterness you held towards your parents because of whatever shit they put you through as an ungrateful child and teenager, release it into the wind. Having a child makes you realize how much of a pain in the ass you must have been to raise and just how scary, taxing and down right difficult child rearing really is. So guess what, forgive! And not only should you honor them by being a decent parent (well you can try) but really - be a decent child now to them if you're lucky enough to have that opportunity.

10. Life's short, eat cake. One slice and then try Paleo!

Disclaimer: this is my advice, no guarantees it will work for you or for me for that matter.


Goddess said…
oh i lurve the advice missie, albeit its coming from a slightly inerbriated perspective...all very true and you have done pretty amazing things in your 'young' life. ...ia, welcome to the golden oldies club hah