Showing posts from 2012

Speaking up.



At home

I got home late today (again) to find my daughter already asleep. Sad face.

Tomorrow we are due to go to Savai'i. I will be my first trip home in almost two years. Such a far cry from ten years ago when I'd spend every holiday, and many weekends in Savai'i. It will be good to be home. 
I've realized lately, that I have such a warped sense of "home" these days. 
My husband and I maintain a "home" in American Samoa. In it's own synthetic way, it's home. Yet, my job requires that I spend weeks at a time in Samoa, my actual home. I've been here for about 6 weeks, one of my longest trips to my home away from my home away from home. 
Then there is the fact that my parents live in Auckland and because my family are there I certainly feel at home being amongst them at least once a year.

I have to smile at the irony that even though I'm "settled down" I'm still not quite able to just sit still. 
My daughter has travelled with me…


Ok so here's some updates of the past few months (because you've undoubtedly been waiting with bated breath for them, ahem). I'm presenting this the "efficient" way, via instagram pics. Here they are in no particular order.

Lili moment. One of many

The only grown up meal I've cooked for my family in the last 90 days.

My battery life on most days, and not just on my phone.

Sunrise on the morning of Samoa's 50th Independence. 'Twas a hot hot day.

I joined a weight loss challenge. The battle of the bulge continues.

This wasn't my coffee but only because mine are usually to-go.

UB40 Concert was, in a word - Epic. In three words - shitloads of work.

Went to the store to buy bread and came home with these instead. :-/

You know you need a break when you find solace in words of wisdom from the all knowing Kim Kardashian.

Driving Miss Crazy

So I'm driving home this morning and I find myself in a traffic jam (a rare occurrence on my side of town particularly on a Sunday). Several cars ahead of me there is a heated exchange between what appears to be a mother and her teenage daughter. All drivers in the cars in front of me are craning their necks out and squinting their eyes to get a piece of the action. I of course, join them.

The mother is in her car screaming at the daughter that is standing outside the open passenger door. After several minutes of a heated exchange Daughter slams the door shut and storms off and jumps in the car in front of the mothers with a guy in the drivers seat. The Daughter and the guy drive off with the mother racing after them in her car, bloody murder in her eyes.

For the rest of the drive home I start over analyzing the whole event. That guy was probably the daughters drug dealing boyfriend. Oh that poor poor mother. I start irrationally worrying about what my relationship with my kid …


Consistent with my (not so) recent blogs my life is still a hundred miles an hour with not enough hours in my day & plenty of unchecked items in my overflowing To-Do List. That's what my life feels like at the moment, just one ever growing & incomplete To-Do List.

I'd list my problems but I'm really more a silver lining/ bright side/ focus on solutions kind of gal. Truth be told, I'm just spent. Too spent to even vent.

Lots has happened. Lili turned one, has a bunch of teeth and runs around now, so all shelves from the waist down are empty at my house. My cracked laptop screen is her latest victim. The biggest current challenge is trying to keep her little fingers out of grubby corners & out of the toilet bowl. Other than that and our constant search for babysitters (we are on number 4) she is healthy and well and has a penchant for getting what she wants particularly when her father is involved.

There's been more travelling, more work and, did I say …

Conclusions from today:

1. I am utterly and despairingly in need of a vacation. A long drawn out, fully paid, far away from everything Vay. Cay. Tion.  On day 1 I will get rip roaring drunk. And then on days 2 - 30, I will sleep continuously. 
2. It's amazing what a lack of communication and assumptions can do to incite damage on a perfectly fine and functioning relationship. Amazing. 
3. There is a time to say, "Yes, I can." And a time to say "Fuck it, pass the vodka."
4. Sometimes the best action is to not be a part of the action. 
5. I need to watch more TV and to exercise more. 
6. Island hopping isn't all it's cracked up to be. 
7. When you stop making sense, leave the room.

What love isn't.

Love isn't about giving up what you want "for your relationship". Your love isn't measured by what you sacrifice to make someone else happy. It's about compromise, yes. But that makes it a two way street. You have to be open to letting go of some of your things you want, but you also have the responsibility to yourself to ask - what the f*ck are you doing for me?! It's about giving up some of your wants, not compromising your convictions. Give a little. Get a little. Win some. Lose some. Not give up and lose yourself. Never lose yourself in love. Because, love isn't about giving up what you want "for your relationship".

Lili bites

She has 9 teeth now, and bites like a piranha. She's the center of attention everywhere we go, and rightly so. She's up at 5am, like clockwork and likes to wake me up by clawing my eyes out. "She's so cheeky," is what people most commonly say about her when they first meet her, and she is.Her favorite toys are my handbag, my phone and my Macbook Air. No interest whatsoever in Hello Kitty and Barbie. One of her favorite things to do is slam the laptop shut in the middle of a Skype session with my parents. She is not a fussy eater in that she will eat pretty much anything if you are not watching her like a hawk. Including millipedes and receipts from McDonald's.She can't walk and talk yet but I can already tell that she'll do plenty of both. Including walking all over her Daddy when she wants stuff. The way she manipulates him already to put her down, pick her up, put her down, pick her up - He doesn't stand a chance. Poops and belches with the best…

Good stuff.

In the chaotic blur of my life, in between the baby and the work and the husband and the dishes, moments of serenity and relaxation exist only in my dreams, if I ever slept long enough to have any. So I’ve really come to appreciate the little things, which give me even for a fleeting moment a sense of (relative) sanity. Here’s a few of those “little things”.
1. Instagram. I’m addicted to this iPhone app which (if you live under a rock and) don’t know what it is, it’s a photography app that lets you apply cool filters to your pics and share them. What this really does is momentarily make you believe that you’re an amazing photographer and you believe for a moment that - like, maybe you really could take up a career in it. All without actually spending a dime on expensive photography equipment or anytime in a photo studio or even having a creative bone in your body. Its like creative crack. For lazy poor, not so creative people. 
Here's a shot of Pago Harbor from today's flight…

I'm alive!

Everyone but me at my house has gone to sleep, and it's only 8.45pm. Is this what married, mommy-hood is going to be like? I am both insanely bored and secretly thrilled at the outlook. Bored because, 8.45pm isn't that still prime time? And secretly thrilled because I'm now thinking of late night spa sessions, online shopping... and all the "me-time" prospects that now avail themselves to me.

So in spite of my absence (My sincerest apologies I know you all missed me dreadfully) I did manage to make it through the last two completely insane months of work my life and managed to make it to my wedding with just enough energy to utter "I do".

I've little to say about work other than I'm still recovering and this year's workload will more than likely be busier, so bring on the vodka challenges. In my job I'm in a constant state of having a split second to celebrate a milestone/ achievement only for it to be completely eclipsed by the amount o…