Showing posts from 2011

I should read more.

The extent of my leisurely reading lately has been limited, to say the least, and poor to say the truth. I read emails, project plans, and the occasional blog as I usually find myself watching reality TV to numb my brain when I'm not working or breastfeeding.

I'm having an inward pity party as I write this because I was one of this kids that skipped class and hid in the library, that read everything I could get my hands on including novels, short stories and old editions of Reader's Digest & National Geographic.

I'm not sure when it all went awry, though I suspect I might have become pre-occupied with alcohol and dancing with skinny heels on tabletops.

I recently finished reading Telesa, The Covenant Keeper by Lani Wendt Young. And it took me back to those stolen hours in the library as a kid reading Enid Blyton books. It was a reminder to me, in this age of the Internet, of Hulu & of 3D movies and series galore, of just what a great escape a good book can be.

The secret (my version)

The problem with thinking you can do everything (with a smile on your face) is that too often you take on too many responsibilities, spread yourself too thin, and in the end nothing gets done and if you're lucky like me, you make things that were perfectly fine, worse.

Over the last few months - I've found myself just constantly in motion, doing what needed doing - mothering, working, wedding planning and all the rest of it. Naievely I've been relying on the endorphins of motherhood to pull me through. "My child's smile gets me through." What a crock of shit. Another thing I'm pissed they didn't include in the book. They need to write in there that as happy as your child's smile makes you, endorphins don't pay bills, or write project plans or change diapers.

When I think back on it - what have I been so busy achieving? What have I been losing sleep and getting fat over? And what have I to show for it? Half made wedding plans? Part executed wo…

Running on empty

I'm. Tired.
I've always been pretty good at "soldiering on" in the face of adversity but today just feels like the longest day. EVER. Truth be told, this whole past couple of weeks has been pretty dragging ass. 
I feel like a zombie and my body is acting strangely like it can't decide whether it's sick or not. I guess my body is growing weary of my constant pushing through the familiar feeling of exhaustion & fatigue. It feels as though my brain is working on 15% and the challenge I'm most aware of is keeping my eyes open and myself upright as I try to whittle away at the piles and piles of work fodder before me. Not to mention the big Samoan wedding plans and my amazing weightloss which has yet to materialize. Liposuction looking like a possibility at this point. That or bulimia. Who am I kidding? When could I ever get bulimia? Lol What an idiotic thought. Proof I'm not completely delusional just yet. Phew - silver lining, if ever there was any.

Heaven & Heartbreak at the Rugby World Cup

The Rugby World Cup started at the beginning of the month in New Zealand and bar one game that shall not be spoken of against a Welsh team, I have been in absolute heaven following the rugby. It certainly helps that there are some hot asses running around in booty shorts, not to mention torn shirts! (you were thinking it!).

I am loving Japan - Falefatu scoring against France. Woohoo! Though I expected them to do better against the AB's, then again, it is the ABs - they are famous for starting the World Cup as favorites. Australia lost to Ireland which pretty much seals Robbie Deans fate after this World Cup. Quade Cooper earning most hated player status before Tasesa's stunning performance on Sunday. USA Eagles are playing well too, with the Suniula brothers and Ata Malifa leading the way. Tonga finally posted a win tonight against a hard playing Japan side after losing to Canada last week (what happened there Ikale Tahi?) I love seeing the minnow teams step up this tournamen…

A few things.

1. It goes without saying that there's been a sad effort on my part to keep the blog updated. Mostly owed to the fact that I barely have time to zip up my pants before I go to work, let alone blog about it. Buuut, I'll own the fact that my going rate of 1 post a month, is in fact quite poor. Particularly considering the recent resurgence of the blog phenomena marked by the awesome work of fabulous Samoan lady bloggers Sleepless, Goddess, Coconut, Teine Samoa, Jandal, Libertine In Dreams, Malelega, Rock-Fob, Stella, Swisshamo, Perpetual Drifter, Reesa, Nets, its just moi and of course Kuaback I swear I'll update my links on my page soon to include you all :)

2. Speaking of lady bloggers, I (undeservingly) got mentioned for one of these Liebster Blog Award thingies.

Thanks for the love ladies :) A few rules:
The rules of the award are:
1. Thank the giver and link back to the blogger who gave it to you. Thank you to Teine Samoa for the shout out :)
2. Reveal your top 5 picks a…

moments & meltdowns

I. am. exhausted.


My baby darling is growing exponentially (and going through clothes and formula like a buffalo on steroids - and looking more beautiful each day I might add), my job (that has had me travelling every week since baby was 4 weeks) is sucking every remaining ounce of energy out of me, oh, and I'm supposedly planning a wedding. Which reminds me (I forget these things) I need to lose weight before then, or else there will be no wedding. Or at least there will be no bride.

Things that have been left by the wayside as a result of my foolish control freak tendency to take everything on myself include - my social life (no alcohol, no dinners/ lunches with friends, no movies!) cleaning, exercise routine, cooking, sleeping in or sleep at all, and among many other things sex. Which is ironic because, all or any of these things, if I could just find the time and energy to do them, would make for some awesome stress relief. Did I mention no alcohol?

Life has been a juggl…

Taking turns

I change my mind like I change shoes.

So I'm having an unwise moment being wide awake at 3am foolishly NOT getting sleep while the baby is down. I have a growing disdain for our humanly need for sleep, wouldn't it just make more sense to be able to buy batteries over the counter? Anyways, I'm certain I'll hate myself for not being asleep right now later on today but for now - I can't get my eyes to shut and that just is what it is. Besides, it's my turn to get up next anyway.

So funny this concept of "turns", spending the night groggily nudging one another - "it's your turn." I usually lose that battle but it's okay - when I'm feeling particularly nasty I'll wake him up and send him downstairs to make her a bottle, to get her diapers or just any old excuse to make him spend 5 minutes out of bed so I can delight a little in his misery. Is that evil? No, I agree it's only fair.

It's amazing the impact baby has had on ou…

Shiny new mom optimism, stay with me.

I look like this. Not.

I'm almost two months in on this whole mom gig and I've figured something out - It is fecking hard work. Don't get me wrong, it's the most amazingly fuzzy and wonderfullest thing ever. BUT it's also fecking hard work. And even though you knew it would be hard, nothing prepares you.

The late night feedings and early morning runs to pick up the sitter, the baths and the poop and tapping into my telepathic ability to decipher a crying baby's needs. I'm all over, and to be honest I find I'm not as bothered or as crap at it as I initially thought I was going to be. It's just amazing how you're so consumed with doing all the little things and then BAM it's 2AM and you've not slept (properly), eaten (real food) or even just had a thought about anything other than poop and boobs. And the best part is that it's about to start all over again. (>_<) And what time do we clock out again? Oh yea, um NEVER! And question…

Work, miracles & Mother's Day.

So it's my last weekend home before going back to work. My last weekend after a grand total of 4 weeks off. It sucks and I could complain about how this is a violation of women's rights but I'm turning over a new leaf and watching my language - okay not really, I'm just digressing, so I'll just say that the labor laws here leave muuuuuuuuuch to be desired.

Thankfully, I've managed to sort out a sitter to stay with baby while Mommy's at work pining to be at home instead, so hopefully, I am prepared for this. I was worried I wouldn't find a good sitter to stay with her but I'll tell you why I am certain that God is looking out for Lili. I discussed with my parents my sitter-less situation and my Dad said he had heard that my sitter and her family had moved to American Samoa some years ago. And by my sitter I mean the sitter that looked after ME and my siblings as rotten, tree climbing, beach addicted kids in Samoa years ago. I told him, well if you ca…

Mother moment

She's lying so peacefully sound asleep in my mother's arms, her tiny chest rising and falling to the rhythm of her little breaths. I'm entranced, watching her intently but afraid to touch her like she were a priceless museum treasure. "Take her," my mother whispers. "Put her in the bassinet." I fight through the wave of inadequacy that moves over me, take a deep breath and stand up to take her. My hands are awkward, shaking slightly as I attempt to manouver her into my chest. Immediately she looks startled and starts to look upset, obviously sensing the panic and inexperience in my trembling hands. Her blanket bunches and I can feel her feet are exposed and I instinctively move her downwards to try and protect her tiny toes from frostbite despite the summer breeze. She's like jelly in my arms as her snugly wrapped blankets start to unravel and she looks like she's about to cry. I'm trying to keep her wrapped yet it seems as though I'm on…

new mommy on the block - tidbits

growing up already. baby lili has been home for a week today, she'll be two weeks old tomorrow and she is already growing so quickly. She's stronger and more alert and aware of things, everyday she has new expressions and she's developed quite an appetite! Cliche to say this after being a parent for just under two weeks but it's amazing how quickly they grow!

pink. we've tried and failed miserably to avoid dressing her in pink. this is owed to the fact that we got so much pink stuff from family and friends. so she has been sporting pink polka dots, pink stripes, pink onesies, pink gowns and is quenching her thirst drinking from pink bottles.

breastfeeding. it's is no joke. no seriously, the first few days, i felt like my nipples had been put through a shredder.  phew. i'm certain breastfeeding this is an ancient torture tactic.

baby blues.  for me it was an overwhelming sense of "am i going to be able to do this?". it was a series of questions "…

A letter to my daughter

Dearest daughter,
Today you are three days old. Just three days and you’re already the greatest blessing I could ever have received. I thank the Lord for bringing you into mine and your Dad’s life, and my only prayer now is that we will spend many, many, many more days sharing our lives together. We named you "Lili’uokalani" after the last reigning Queen of Hawaii who is a celebrated songwriter with a thirst for knowledge to celebrate where your Dad and I met as music loving students at the University of Hawaii. She also wrote one of my favorite Hawaiian songs – “Aloha Oe” which for me quite aptly describes how we both feel about you. Your middle names Jeannette Milaneta Moliei are the names of your grandmothers. All women whose love and wisdom has been a blessing and an example to me. And if there is anyone whose love for you contends with mine, it’s theirs.
I face the prospect of raising you with both fear and excitement. The responsibility of shaping your life is daunting…

Meet my darling

Lili'uokalani Jeannette Milaneta Moliei Va'ai Tinitali  Born on April 5, 2011 at 10.41pm Birthplace: LBJ Tropical Medical Center, American Samoa Weight: 8lbs 8oz Height: 51 cm
My labour was a blinder (26 hours active labour followed by c-section) but all and any pain I endured (more on THAT later) is eclipsed by the thanks and joy I feel that she arrived to me safely in one complete breathing parcel of perfectness. 
You may be wondering why I am blogging instead of breastfeeding or changing dirty diapers or losing sleep one way or another, well, baby is currently in the Nursery Intensive Care Unit under observation. They picked up that she was breathing a little too quickly on her first day and they've kept her in for observation. They haven't detected anything serious but they will be having a chest x ray today just to be sure. I am trying to be patient and remind myself that it's better if they keep her in a few extra days and then we take her home in perfect health th…

Samoa Elections.

This week, the independent state of Samoa held it's Elections on Thursday and Friday.  I didn't form too many opinions before the elections because if there's one thing Samoans in Samoa have come to know over the past decade is that when it comes to politics - change is more often than not just a fleeting dream, a losing battle at best. Not that it isn't often desired, it was just beginning to seem as though any real change would have to wait until Uncle Stui had had his day, keels over and dies. Bless his heart.

Some interesting results have emerged. The Human Rights Protection Party holds the majority with 30 seats, the 5 independent candidates have declared their support to HRPP. The Tautua Samoa Party has 14 seats. HRPP win again, and Tuilaepa will likely remain PM, however, being that Samoa is once again a two party state, the opposition now having numbers to be formally recognized as such, is very positive. That there is some semblence of an "opposition"…

What's in a name?

I've found recently, that it's an amazingly difficult task trying to come up with a name for another human being. It's so hard to find a name fitting to a little person that is going to encompass all your hopes and dreams. No easy task. My response to that has been of course, to avoid the task all together. When she comes along, the Good Lord willing, her name will simply come to me in an epiphany. That's my story, and I'm sticking to it.

I got asked in the weekend what "Fotuosamoa" means, and I couldn't properly articulate it. I'm not sure why. I've been told different versions at different times what it means yet when I try to explain it, I botch it up.  I thought to document it here, mostly for my own future reference.

Personally, Fotuosamoa was my grandmother's name. I don't have enough fingers and toes to count all the relatives that have been named after her.

In terms of what the actual meaning of the name is - Fotuosamoa: A &quo…

Comical Politics

Think what you will of the man, but this just made me laugh.
PM’s  last letterTuesday, 08 February 2011 11:31
John Campbell and Tuilaepa Sa'ilele Malielegaoi. Prime Minister Tuilaepa Sa’ilele Malielegaoi has ended his long-running feud with New Zealand journalist, John Campbell with one final letter.

The war of words between the two started last year during the anniversary of the 2009 tsunami when the Campbell Live presenter aired a damning piece about the recovery effort in Samoa.
Mr Campbell questioned where millions of tala in tsunami aid had gone to when most tsunami survivors were still struggling with accommodation, water and food.

The much-followed public spat heightened when Mr Campbell attempted to interview Prime Minister Tuilaepa at the carpark of a local hotel at night.

At that time, the journalist said he came to Samoa to interview the Prime Minister but he cancelled their appointment at the last minute.

Mr Campbell said Tuilaepa was "utterly cowardly" in re…

Thought of the day.

I uncovered a horrific mistake that I made today.

Lord grant me the discipline to be more thorough. Show me the strength of habit to check, double check and to check again. Lord be the voice of reason to always remind me to NEVER rest on my laurels.

February Already?

Here's an unfinished entry from yesterday.

It's the second day of the second month and I'm feeling pressed for time! Of course, belly wise - I'm all the way "out there." I'm like a walking prize pumpkin that other mother's look at and cringe in pity at my pending labour. The icing on the cake of course is that I am growing on a daily basis as belly grows on my diet of chocolate and sardines. My doctor says my weight gain is pretty stable (liar) but she thinks my baby is going to be heavier than 9lbs. I know. Say a prayer for me.

We're about 2 months away from her debut and I'm trying to get the crib set up, find the right travel system and the matching baby bath. I don't evision myself doing much of that in my last month - if I even make it there! haha. I thought of a genius idea to purchase all the big things online so I could get them cheaper and have them all shipped here given that this place is affiliated with the land of the free…

Samoans in Malaysia!

Follow my friends Tasha & Jayde on their Malaysian Adventure on their blog Coconut Runnings!

Pleasant Surprise

So my birthday was on Monday and I was sneakily keeping quiet about it at work in the hopes that it would just blow over without anyone noticing. I was chuckling to myself when it had gone by without a peep until today when I walked into the lunch room at noon and my team at work had thrown a birthday lunch for me! It was full of good food and of course, choc chip cake!

I am now full to the brim with deliciously unhealthy food and my baby is undoubtedly bouncing around my tummy with the sugar rush but I can't help smiling at just what a nice, unexpected gesture that was. Especially considering what a slavedriver I am day in day out cracking my whip and beating them to oblivion with my unending demands. Evil woman am I, so undeserving of such niceties. Hmmm.

Bless their hearts.


Mid-week ogling at the online coach sale!


Back to Life Blues.

So it's our second weekend back on the Rock, and the Christmas Season is well and truly over. Now I'll admit, I was slightly gleeful being back at work (sad, I know) but okay, yea, that's worn off already. Time with the family was grand. Lots of food, family, food and fun. Did I mention food? Fresh cream, meat pies, strawberries & pavlovas come to mind. Ugh. I miss my family & I'm depressed just thinking about being back here and not there.

My doctor says I am no longer allowed to travel and as a result I'm missing out on two work trips. I could be in sunny Hawaii right now. Sigh.

Last night, I watched about 4 different videos showing 4 different types of births. Water birth, Natural birth, C-section birth & Epidural Birth. All I can say is - Dearest Lawwwd have mercy on me.

Okay I'm going to leave this post here as it is quickly moving in a downward spiral. Here's hoping next week is better.

But before I go - Belly is huge and kicking like crazy…