Showing posts from 2010

A free minute on Christmas Eve!

It's 2.45am on Christmas Eve. We're waiting to board our flight to NZ, scheduled to leave at 3.30am. Finally a free minute to sit and put some thoughts down. As expected, it's been a crazy hectic Christmas Season. My time unequally being divided between Work, Belly & Work. And yes, "Belly" is my current nickname around the office. Presumably because that's all anyone sees anymore when they see me running around like a mad belly.
Me and Belly have become quite good friends, if I say so myself. We have daily conversations about what we want to eat, who made or ruined our day, whether we should not got for a walk again or what we should eat. I'm getting a kick out of feelingBelly kick back when I say, listen to, or even think something I consider quite profound and take it as his/ her agreeing with me that ice cream at 8pm is a grand idea. Fair to say, we're quite "attached". No pun intended. I'm about 6 and a half months along now and I…

Croc Horror.

I did an indefensible thing today.

I bought crocs.

Yes, those rubber shoe things.

And worst of all I bought them for myself. And I think I actually intend on wearing them *gulp* in public.

To understand the gravity of this issue you must know that I'm the girl that bought shoes first and food second or at all depending on if I had any money left when I was a poor student. I'm the woman that walked a mile through a casino in brand new 5 inch heels without flinching. If you've seen my shoe collection, you'd agree that it's only ... extremely hypocritical of me to now be an owner of rubber cushioned flat shoes. I've made fun of, scoffed at and looked down upon many a pair of crocs in my lifetime that I'm surprised the shoes didn't spontaneously ignite in my bare hands after I'd purchased them today.

I can't clearly say just why I went against my long standing belief that pain is beauty and that comfortable shoes are also known as ugly shoes. I migh…

Rainy day dilly dallying.

There's a torrential downpour outside. The kind that is so loud you can barely hear yourself think. The kind where ten o'clock in the morning looks like 6.30pm in the evening and the clouds look not much higher than the coconut trees dancing furiously in the wind. The drive to work today was near impossible, lights and wipers on full blast whilst manouvering potholes now disguised as rivers at a racing 15 miles per hour. The skies are making a point - Cyclone season is upon us. Just Mother Nature gently reminding us of her formidable power. A wet reminder thatdespite how self important we've become, in the big scheme of things, we are in fact quite disposable. On the flipside, it's kind of comforting to know there is something greater than just us lousy humans wreaking havoc on this here earth.

I'm at the office, listening to the rain, pondering this sense of "meekness" and uhhh, oh yes, doing some work!

Here's a crappy pic of the view outside right …

Big belly babble.

Big belly makes for obstructive sleeping.

Big belly reduces bladder capacity and makes for frequent late night urinary field trips.

Big belly increases likelihood that people will ignore your face and gawk, have conversations with and uninvitedly touch big belly.

Big belly is the root cause for morning ritual I call "fight with my wardrobe".

Big belly likes milk and mangoes. And pretty much any other food substance.

Big belly makes for huffing and puffing when walking up stairs.

Big belly is cause for dust gathering on high heel collection. And for sudden spike in use of flat shoes.

Big belly dictates what's for breakfast, lunch, dinner, afternoon tea, dessert and snack time. Often the menu is, "I don't know what I feel like but let me try that."

Big belly likes listening to Iz.

Big belly makes people ask me - Are you pregnant? To which my answer is - No, I had a big breakfast.

Blue couch & Black & white bliss


What to do. What to do.

So it's my day off. First day off in about 3 weeks. And I find myself clueless about what to do with myself. My unsuspecting fiance woke up early and cleaned my kitchen and house before setting off to run errands for his Mom and I'm home in a clean house, all alone listening to my mix of 80s, 90s & Hawaiian music thinking to myself, hmmmm what to do, what to do. Let's see, options?

I could go shopping... I must reluctantly scratch that since there is this new-age "Saving for the future" thing I promised my unsuspecting fiance I'd give a go.

I could have some cocktails - Morning mimosas, anyone? Unfortunately, pending motherhood means I'm now far too obsessed with the fact  that I'm feeding baby to pollute my inards with alcohol like I normally would when a spare moment presented itself.  Don't get me wrong, it pains me every day that I can't have a margarita when the latest prick at work or idiot I've dealt with has ruined my day. And …

Pregnancy Revelations

Since discovering I was knocked up, a few "revelations" have become apparent to me which, for the sake of the unsuspecting single women, I'll reveal to you today.

1) It's clear now why parents brought me into this world. My sole purpose in this world is bear my parents grandchildren. I am bombarded almost daily with calls and emails from my parents asking "How's the baby?" "Uhh, good, I'm not too bad either, thanks for asking - Oh right, I'm just the vessel." Not too long ago, I took a call from a very upset grandmother to be for not filming my first ultra-sound. "Mom, it was a speck on the screen" "But still, you should have filmed it or asked the doctor for a printout or something!"

2) Unless you've been blessed with amazingly elastic skin just buy the damn Bio-Oil.

3) I've finally found the perfect reason to take it easy and make him rub my feet, and buy me things. All without guilt, remember there's …

Memories of Asiata

My uncle Dr. Asiata Saleimoa Vaalepa Vaai passed on suddenly some weeks ago. It was sudden, tragic and just extremely heart breaking.

I'll always remember him as an extremely learned man (he had degrees for days) in both the way of the white man and the Fa'asamoa. He made getting a higher education seem like the most normal thing in the world, as though it were just the standard and that anyone who applied themselves could do it, no matter what your race, income or circumstance. He's certainly passed it on to his children too. It's a perspective that's influenced me greatly in my own pursuits and I'll forever be grateful to him for, perhaps unknowingly, sharing that with me.

He was always so well spoken with a sharp wit. He had such presence about him, an air of unspoken intelligence and wisdom that would waft around the room when he was there, and you just knew not to mess with him. I recall when my father got his matai title and Asiata was one of the matais i…


"Forgive me father for I have sinned." 

"What brings you here my child?"

"Father, I'm with child. And I am unmarried."


I won't give you the boring background of how my boyfriend and I love each other and have been together for 3 years because of course, all of that is eclipsed by the fact that, I got knocked up before I donned 20 yards of white satin and declared my virginity and chastity under God.

A few short months ago, I found out I was "with child". My initial reactions, were honestly, shock, horror and shock horror. Clearly, this was unplanned and all I could think of was parents disapproval and that I had finally given them their long sought after excuse to disown me.  I fought urges to run into a church and pray for a miracle, and to draw up a lawsuit against the company that had sold me dubious birth control.  It was a difficult first few days.

After I could no longer stand it, I called my mother to share my "news".…

Memoirs of being a lush.

It's a rainy Sunday here. Kind of nice after the blistering sunshine we had yesterday. Driving around yesterday in the daggone heat, there were definite moments where I thought the sun would melt through my car roof and incinerate me to an unpleasantly hot ashy death. So yes, today is kind of nice.

I'm up early (9:02AM... Pugi) and have no desire to cook breakfast, brush my teeth or do anything other than shoot the breeze and talk about the weather (I know, productive is my middle name).

I've been thinking about writing alot lately (because there aren't more important things I'm paid to think about). Mostly because I've not done much of it lately. I used to frequently indulge my creative passions... Or did I? I realize now that my previous employment had me so devoid of brain exercise that I had time and desire to talk smack about such important wonders of life like alcohol, sex and shoes.  Oh the glitz and the glamour, and the... vomit? Who has time these days…

I penned this April 15, 2010 - "Moments"

Last year - I got a new job and relocated to Tutuila, I ain't dead or married yet, so - so far, so good.
Last month - was my first trip to Las Vegas. Being a staunch non-gambler I snickered at all the suckers in the casino at the Venetian - then on my last day, I lost $35 at the pokie machines at my departure gate.
Last week  - I met one of my all time sports idols. I was awe-struck until he asked me (quite seriously) if he could have my iPhone. 
Yesterday - I drank about 7 beers after work. Burp. -----------------------------------------------------------------------------
This year - is by far the busiest, most expensive year yet.
This month - I'm slacking - I've yet to buy a new pair of shoes. 
This week - is draining, but I am trying to keep my eyes on the prize. 
Today - is just one big distraction from the lengthy nap that should be my day. -----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Next year - Bigger, better things, hopefully.
Next month - I …

9:05am Monday

I'm not sure why, but this past few weeks have seemed to go, just murderously slow for me. I've been finding myself checking the clock a gazillion times throughout my day and asking - Is it Friday yet?.... Nope, still 9.15am on Monday.

Having such endless amounts of time leads to excessive pondering of things I would be doing in my alternative life like, travelling to distant lands, immersing myself in exotic cultures and having these epic unforgettable experiences like saving endangered species and designing shoes for Saks. And then... Nope, it's still 9.25am on Monday.

It doesn't help when the highlights of my week have been completing an online course on the Sarbanes Oxley Law and finishing the first draft of a 25 page customer satisfaction survey. Home time has consisted of Twitter, McDonalds and Jersey Shore. The weekend was a fruitless 7 hour stint in a hospital emergency room. I can feel the words "BORED" being tattooed into my forehead just as I am …

Dreams are free...

My trip in twit pics

So I just returned from a short trip home. Here's how it went. (Don't mind all my fatty food pics) =)
Our chariot awaits... PH231
Upolu coastline just before landing at Fagali'i.
Loooong lunch with friends. Dessert was ordered. Encounters restaurant, Maluafou - Try it! 
After-work drinks at the newly opened Tanoa Tusitala hotel = splendid!
Did a spot of shopping.
Visited Le Spa.

The view from my massage bed.
Taking time to appreciate something beautiful.
Lunch at Curry House! Lamb Korma & ice cold Coke.

Ready for Fiesta!
Breaky @ Sydneyside
Roadside BBQ while waiting for flight. $3USD plate
Flight back. Scratched up Twin Otter window seat.

remnant emo work puke


Her pedicured feel walk in shoes so high they hurt.
Justified by some warped notion that pain is beauty.
Her clothes are perfectly pressed & crisp, untouched by the wrinkles of "life".
Her lips are always red, symbolic of the blood she draws from her sharp tongue
As she disapproves of mediocre efforts to win her approval.
She is the picture of cold, pedicured perfection.

Except for her eyes.

Her eyes - Bloodshot and blurry.
Heavy with the weight of withheld emotion.
Her eyes speak of pain. Of doubt.
Beneath her bloodshot eyes.
She stirs, shaking, struggling to be composed.
Clinging to the edges of her sanity.
Inside her childhood heart is screaming - Get me out, get me out.
Because she's so caught up trying to hold up.
This facade of togetherness. This sharp pursuit of perfection.
To be sharp. To be perfect. To be worthy.
Yet, she's so tightly wound, that she's falling apart.
Her powdered face, her lined eyes, are cold and, efficient.
Yet her insides bur…


It's going on a month since my last update. Gee how time flies. I'm nearing the point where I need a break from work. Okay I lie, I'm about half way around the world beyond that point but hanging in there.

The work is fulfilling, most days. Boring, not any day. And challenging every moment of every day. I guess I'm a sucker for the challenge. A sucker for the pain and a sucker for the rush I get when seeing the outcomes of a project completed, a product launched, happy customers, or just coming home having learnt something new - often in ways I least expected.

Like today - a perfect example. So things have been going great at work, in terms of the progress I've been making in projects, promotions and product launches. Just last week we just closed a major conference successfully. Overall, by my own self-assessment I think have been doing a pretty damn good job. And then today, I was completely blind-sided by a member of my team who is usually quiet and always very …

Work Faux Pas

Today I committed an uncharacteristic act of weakness at work today.

I cried while addressing a co-worker. Not in a cry me a river, incessant sobbing, loudly whimpering, I-just-lost-my-pet kind of way. But there were visible tears. And looking back on the reason now - I was just told a co-worker would be leaving us - and I realize, it was really quite a tame occurrence.  We weren't even particularly close! Gawd. So emo! Lol. Granted they were genuine tears of emotion, I do not consider this one of my finer managerial moments.

Since I am usually the epitome of togetherness, I caught myself a little off-guard (if you can imagine that! Lol) which of course made me panic and cry even more (lol!) and I can imagine my co-worker didn't expect that given how unapologetic I am about being a hard-ass/ borderline bitch at work.

After the fact, I was a bit of a mess and I thought, what the hell woman! Lol I must admit being a little disgusted with myself at having revealed such a weak sid…

Thinking positive

After an especially draining day at the office, which (from what I can tell) will only be compounded in the weeks to come I've decided that if I'm to survive - I must keep an open mind, and cast aside my judgments on this new-age approach - I must engage in more positive thinking. It's kind of an exercise in foresight and a preventative effort to sort of stabilize the train before it spirals down the hell hole. :) Anyways, I've adopted a new mantra today, or rather borrowed one. Repeat after me.
Each morning when I open my eyes I say to myself: I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it - Groucho Mar

Let's say it again:
I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I…

Random List

It has been a minute since my last post.


1. Manu Samoa are world champions in Rugby Sevens!

Few things can top just how moving and awesome this achievement is to Samoans. I screamed, cried, rejoiced, got drunk, cried some more and then drank some more. It still lifts my heart to think about this and this definitely goes down in history as one of our greatest moments!

2. Work is over flowing with change. Mostly additional work but for the most part it is good change.  Lots to complain and moan about also but I'll take out on another post and my liquor cabinet my liquor cabinet in the mean time. In a nutshell - when I'm not hating it, I'm loving it.

3. I'm rather fond of lists :)


This is just a random reminder of a time in my life when the greatest of my worries was whether the table or bar could take my weight. I can't believe how foreign it now feels. Just felt like expressing as much. That's all :)

5. I've nicknamed the treadmi…

Testing testing

Two things to mention today.

1) Today marks day 2 at the gym. I'm keeping the goal here basic: To go again, tomorrow, since that's about as far ahead as I can see after spending exactly 43 mins and 36 seconds on treadmill. I can plan 24 hours into the future, then it gets blurry after that.

2)  I am composing this post from my iPhone. I'm trying out this whole mobile blogging thing, because what I need in my hectic life is just another distraction. Anyways, I'm using the lame freebie app which affords me just the most basic functionality but hey, you never know. If this goes well I may let up being so stingey and "splurge" on the $2.99 app which will no doubt unlock a world of procrastination possibilties.

3) Okay, I thought of a third thing. I watched all episodes of gLee in the last 3 days and yea, okay - the singing is nice and I find it hilarious that Kurt is the mirror image of sooo many of my friends, but that aside the show was somewhat so so for me.…

Oyster Bay Bliss

So I've returned from the vacay, and glad to say - it's reinstated some semblance of my sanity - Thank GOD! Amazing what a good night's sleep and a significant amount of dollars spent can do for your perspective.

Time with the family was spent appropriately doing lots of eating, ego hoisting and drinking. My sister graduated from Uni, with Honours and is now a making the bucks as a big shot Engineer - proud proud moment for the whanau, which was of course celebrated with yet more eating, egos, and a dozen bottles of Oyster Bay Savignon Blanc.

I also ate lots of pies. I introduced my Dad to the wonders of the iPad and needless to say - he is never using a pesky laptop or that ancient thing called a desktop. EVER again. On the days I was too lazy or too cold to scour the Auckland shopping arena, I stayed home and rifled through my mother's closet which impossibly, continues to grow and transform at an alarming rate. The woman has more clothes than the Queen of Sheba. Did…

Clean Slate

New look for the blog today, because:
1) It's my effort to shake off the proverbial bullshit of the last few weeks - I'm confident it will do nothing, so I'm simply humouring myself.
2) It's my procrastinative activity of the week - highly important for sustained healthy career growth.
3) and just because those shoes are so darn pretty... aside of course, from being comfortable, practical and affordable at the low, low price of $550 USD. You can buy them here or just drool over them (like I did) from 7 different views here.

I will be off next week on a much needed vacation. I will no doubt spend enough time and money with family to make me appreciate once again my current solitary, slave-driven existence. Yes, that will make me feel better. And hopefully, less of a bitch around these ways. I think I've been this ahem - unpleasant lately because I am no longer diluting my misery with vodka as past habits have dictated and henceforth, the world is bearing the brunt …

Hell week

The last few weeks have been kind of hmmm hellish. This was a draft post from a few days ago.

So I've been in a bit of funk lately. A specific kind of funk. The one where I hate the world, most especially work and men. The one where it's MY way, and God Help You if you think there's any other way. Thanks to being surrounding by a constant supply of unsuspecting, foolish company - everyone I've encountered has just been eating it! For the past two weeks (at least) my every day vocabulary has been abundantly peppered with name calling, fire breathing and all sorts of colorful language. And of course my overall demeanour has been at best disapproving and bitchy. Just to be clear, anybody who so much as looked at me in any way other than lovingly, I stripped them of their dignity and zapped their naked remains into fiery oblivion with unladylike verbal daggers and a look considered illegal in most …

Lemon heaven.

A couple of nights ago I dreamt that I died and went to heaven, after dying a painful bloody death in a tomato slicer like contraption - gory, yes, but that wasn't the most memorable bit of my dream.

Heaven, as I remember it, was - cliche as it sounds - the most beautiful place ever. Not in a physical sense but it just felt really good to be there. I recall a clear sense of what can only be described as utter elation. I was deeply content and at peace. There was no gravity, no pain, faint harp music and lots of light. I'm sure I was smiling ear to ear, if not floating above my bed at that point.

The thing that struck me as a little odd was the lemon slices. Gleaming yellow, perfect half moon, thin lemon slices were all around me suspended like frozen citrus snowflakes. I was mesmerized. A smiling someone handed me a bag lined with lemon slices which was filled with perfectly formed ice cubes and nodded for me to help myself. My next thought was... Hmmmm... where's the vodk…

Tax Bitch.

Generally in life, I'm one of those boring by-the-rules-people. I did my homework, listened to my parents, I almost never lied to them, I didn't get pregnant as a teenager, I ate my vegetables, I went to church, I wasn't a problem child. I mean, sure I sometimes buy shoes beyond my means, maybe I can be a mean bitch (when provoked) and okay I didn't return my library books that one time in middle school, but generally speaking I've played life by the rules.

Today, being the do-gooder, law abiding citizen I am, I went to get my taxes completed and filed in time, because you know, it's the law and it's the right thing to do, and lo and behold - I owe the state just over $2500. Uhhhhhhh. *Dizzy speechless moment* Reaction: F*CK WHAT?!

Apparently, I earn too much, the Government withholds too little and I don't get tax credits because I didn't pay for my education and I have no kids or dependents.

Which made me mad beyond belief that I had to laugh. So …


Nuff Said.

New Year, New Shoes.

January 2010, is the first month in the five years since I started blogging that I didn't post. Fair to say, life has been hectic, being dominated mostly by my gung-ho efforts to carve a career for myself.

As many Samoans/ people I know would agree - 2009 was one of the rough ones, with far more than it's fair share of heartache. I wish I could say it was extremely enriching and we all grew immensely from it, but frankly, it hurt like hell, and I'm glad it's over. I'm adding my prayer to the queue in God's waiting list of wishes: For 2010 to be kind to us.

Holiday Season came and went in a blur. The memorable bits of it being finally getting off work at 8.30pm on Xmas Eve, having my entire family (parents & siblings) under one roof for the first time in yonks and more importantly sharing a beer for breakfast with my Dad & siblings at 10am on a Tuesday morning.

I'm 8 months deep into living in American Samoa, I'm still staunchly a foreigner (lol)…