New beach rule: Stay on shore.

So I'm at the beach, in my two piece (eh! lol) frolicking like I was effing Ariel swimming to the reef and back as though I'd done it at dawn and dusk for the last decade. On the swim back, I'm tired so I'm changing it up, backstroke, breaststroke, trying to work different muscles (not on purpose of course, they just don't function for extended periods of time like that). It takes me about fifteen minutes and I'm close enough to shore when I notice a guy in red Baywatch-esque gear (I'm not kidding!) on a board swim up next to me. I come up for air (panting like fucking Rosie O'Donnell on a treadmill) and he says to me:

"Ma'am are you okay? You looked like you were having some difficulty.."

Turns out he was a LIFEGUARD and in all my graceful synchronised swimming he thought I was drowning.


Lorrrrrrd have mercy!


Sieni said…
hahaha! oh dear
its just moi said…
Too funny mah dear!maybe he needs glasses he he!!