Showing posts from April, 2006

Three things that are pissing me off.

1. Just got my work uniforms in. The new ones. The company provides all employers with new uniforms every financial year. I had mine measured about 2 months ago during an unfortunate bout of daily-trips-to-the-gym-sclerosis. Sad I know. I have since recovered from that health scare and have since regained a greater sense of normalcy after some disciplined treatment with self-diagnosed drink-til-you-drop therapy and an excercise-is-for-the-insecure attitude to activity. THANK GOD! The only unfortunate side effect of my miraculous recovery (aside from ulcers and a fried liver) is that these new uniforms of mine are only about ten sizes too small for me. Yes, it serves as a dark reminder of that horrific period of my life. They'll make a grand bonfire tonight. Now where's that vodka?

2. The hit counter on my blog site *points down there* has suddenly stopped working. No explanation, no note, the bastard just up and shot off into the sunset without a word or a goodbye. Bitch. I mea…

Quality Time

So I'm back home now, back on the island, back in my office swivel chair, back to reality. I've just returned from spending ten days in Auckland with the family. It had occured to me to write something while I was in New Zealand... but I thought to myself, I'm sitting here on the couch chowing down on Wendy's frozen yogurt and Maling's Takeaway chicken nibbles watching reruns of Oprah and The Bold and the Beautiful... why should I get off the couch? WHY? There's just no logic. And then in a flash that miniscule thought I had to blog got lost somewhere in Sammy's evil deception and Oprah's Jamie Foxx interview. However now that I am back at work, the importance of blogging in my life has miraculously been reinstated.

So thinking back to what I did in NZ. In short, I did an obscenely disgusting of amount eating, getting drunk, walching trash TV Soaps and eating. There was also some sprinklings of movies, family visiting and shopping in there as well. So m…

Can I hold your hips?

The most corny but funny and .. err original but still corny pick up line anyone has ever tried on me?
Standing outside the clubs with my sister last night, waiting on friends by the car ready to go home and this guy (not Casanova) (not even on the same planet as Casanova) (He probably couldn't spell Casanova either) walks up to me.

Not Casanova: *Looking as a graceful as a clumsy T Rex* What's your name?

Me: *Tired as fuck and supressing a Yaaawn* (think!) Sharon.

Not Casanova: What's your last name?

Me: (Where's our damn driver?) Nothing you need to know.

Not Casanova: *With rapist eyes and a drunken slur* Damn girl, Can I hold your hips?

Me: *Half a laugh for originality* (Deadpan straight face) Can I bunch your face?

The rest of the ten seconds of the conversation wasn't very interesting and ended with the thud of a closed door and the screech of tyres fleeing the scene but... "Can I hold your hips?" LOL. These fargen Aucklanders.

Why do I drink again?

I am currently sitting at work cursing that 7th or 12th glass of bourbon I had last night. At 9pm. I woke up this morning feeling like there was an invisible anvil propped on my body pinning me to the bed, and maybe a piano being repeatedly dropped on my head. It took every last drop of willpower for me to shove off the anvil and throw myself into the water this morning. In fact, I think my cousin physically dragged me out. Needless to say I walked in to work later than usual and I am amazed I made it at all. The sound of each tick on the clock today has been dinning in my head like there is a giant gong hoisted above my head. I keep looking over my back because I am almost SURE that there is a bunch of little men chucking toilet bowls at my head but my timing seems to be off. Sneaky little buggers. It does not help that today happens to be one of those days that my boss has decided to hand me every piece of work under the sun short of paying her mortgage. I have used up all the energ…

A letter to Kod.

Dear Kod,

Re: Somefing bersonal.

You see Kod, I was have to tok it to you, about an imbordent fing dat was closest to moy heart. You see, I was bick it up this pad hapit you see. I was for the LOYFE of me can't stob tokin like I was a garacter in da Laffing Samoans. You know dose laffing Samoans wif dat fat guy Tofinga and dat oda guy who was finked he was so funny, but bersonally, when I was watched him I was finked to myself... Nawt Really! So dis hapit, it was like overgame me begoz you know like, i was a possessed like the Emily Rose. I was not know why I was can't stob id already. Begoz I know already that my workmates, they was think I was gone grayzee or sumfing, my family was finked that I was gone grayzee, dis madness was like reach that stayge, not the singing and dancing stage but dat stage like a point in toyme, yes bersonally, I was finked it was reach dat point in toyme, where even I was finked dat I was gone grayzee. So Kod, I was look it up to you at da sky and …

Samoa Elections: A personal account.

Well, if there's one thing that can unite the entire country besides the rugby, it's the prospect of power being up for grabs. Last Friday 31st March, 2006 was General Election Day for the Independent State of Samoa. I knew it would be a busy day, but having never really let go of my cynicism for long enough to pay any real attention to Politicians, nothing prepared for me the hectic chaos that was last Friday’s election. Here’s my personal account, a slight warning: You’ll notice about half way down the post that I know very little about actual politics. You have been warned.

Election campaigns.
Some think that politicians that have the gift of the gab are the ones that win. Winston Churchill, John F Kennedy – will forever be remembered as leaders that inspired the masses. From the perspective of an observer of the system, a pair of eyes inside looking out, if you will, I say this. The truth in Samoa about politics is that come election day, nobody really cares what you say. I…