I blame those damn Mallow Puffs.

People that know me know that I love my food. Not in a totally-ignorant-of-obesity sort of way, but pretty close. It's got something to do with the fact that I'm Samoan and a Samoan without an appetite gives the rest of us a bad name. Just the other day, friends and I drove through floods to go to McD's. Yep, a little rain (or a brewing cyclone) wasn't gonna come between this hungry girl and her Big Mac.

This morning, however, I have totally outdone myself. Oh. My. God. My appetite can not be sated. I'm having one of those days when you're hungry for something but you're not quite sure what it is, so you eat what you think you want but nothing you eat "hits the spot." So even though you're past looking like your normal self, the need to eat that exact food just overcomes you and you just can't do anything about it. Gotta keep ... eating. Gonna die. Need food. I'm only slightly exagerrating when I say - I went on a food killing spree and I have eaten an obscene amount of food that is too embarrassing to publicly disclose, with nothing but a mountain of wrappers, napkins and crumbs in my wake.

Consequently, I am almost completely immobile right now. Seriously, even the beads of sweat coming down my forehead from the effort exerted to type, seem tired and sluggish. If by some weird twist of fate I suddenly found myself sitting in the middle of a road (probably eating mallow puffs or something) and there's an oncoming truck that can't stop in time, I wouldn't have it in me to move my lard ass out of the way. Unless you perhaps lured me off with some deep fried chicken or something.


To state the obvious, I am feeling like complete and utter shit and it's not just the fact that I'm doomed to die a slow starving death sitting at my workdesk because I can't move. Nor is it just the fact that I’m afraid to make any sudden movements in case my stomach explodes and I shower my workmates in remnants of cheese buns and bacon and egg pie. I feel like shit, because of all those things but especially it's because despite permanently ruining any hopes I might have had of fitting into those skinny jeans with that last helping of extra mayo . . . I am STILL hungry! Yes, shameful isn't it? No regret and no guilt that I've just eaten enough food to feed a small third world country. Just unsatisfied hunger. Aaargh! It's times like these when I just want to shoot myself. . . but maybe after I've had the last of those mallow puffs.

But LOOK!... it's got my name on it.


Shark Girl said…
lol...girl you just makin' me HUNGRY here!

Reminds me of myself. Last Saturday I discovered a packet of tim tams in my mother's closet...of all places!! And since she's off island, it's all MINE! So I sat down (in front of the closet) and stuffed my face with tim tams. Two minutes later, I reached for the next one only to find it was finished. THE WHOLE FARKING PACKET! All I needed was a bucket of ice cream next to me and I would've killed myself right then and there. *sigh* There goes my "thoughts" of dieting.

Lovin' your blog girl!

Take care n keep yourself beautiful self dry now.

Shark Girl said…
derr...i just saw what 100 million calories does to my brain...I meant to say "keep your beautiful self dry" and NOT "keep yourself beautiful self"...yeah a result of living in Samowa. I jus gant beliv id.
fotu of samoa said…
LOL @ you scoffing down the whole packet right there IN FRONT OF THE CLOSET! It's not fair that chocolate tastes so good and yet, it's so bad for ass reduction. We can't win! lol...

*pangs of depression*

Gimme that ice cream, girl.

supasta said…
those mallow puffs look so damn good...send me some plz...hawaii dont have dat...even tim tams...*yum yum* and lol@ you name on it...send me one without the name...hehe...