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Showing posts from 2006

2006

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So Christmas has been and gone, the actual day itself was a bit of a blur having spent about 85% of it inside my mother's kitchen doing my best not to poison anyone as I was sure nobody in the house was at a suitable blood alcohol level to drive anyone to hospital if need be. So, the only remnants of the day are the lines across my body from the mountains of striped clothing I got as presents (stripes are the new black, it seems) and back aches from being made to restock the dishwasher repeatedly in a manner akin to child labour. The rest of it went by in a flurry of bbq and Steinlager.

The Christmas Eve and Boxing Day parties are far more memorable. Well, I'm sure they would be if I could remember them. But one way to know that it must have been great is if you wake up the next morning with a parched throat from mistaking yourself as a Soprano (when you're not a Sopr-anything), and wondering to yourself why you removed your jeans and sweater (it must have been a hot nigh…

Shady Dealing

Having neither the funding nor the stomach for Law School, I was ill equipped to help my parents sort the legal mumbo jumbo involved in purchasing a home. But being the eldest daughter and a general ability to at least "appear" smart and talk some shit, when duty called, I blindly rose to the challenge.

Come first meeting, I had my guard up for an agent that would take us for none the wiser first time buyers and try and blitz through some shady agreement and get us to sign something we didn't really know about. To my surprise, the first real estate agent I sat down with was excruciatingly thorough. He explained everything word for monosyllabic word. He seemed to 'have our back' when we asked what sort of conditions and price we'd like to offer on the property. As we seemed to breeze through the process I thought to myself.. "see now that's wassup! An honest man in the business" Turn the clock forward a couple of days, we find out through the…

Tag... You're it!

Thanks Palagi Pepelo for popping my tag cherry. It was um, special.

1. Things that scare me: Horror movies (lol), losing loved ones, life passing me by, and (sometimes) not being good at stuff. (lol, stupid huh?)
2. People who make me laugh: My brothers and sister, The crew on "Whose line is it anyway?", Rowan Atkinson in "The Thin Blue Line", Queens of Comedy, and when I'm toasted drunk... everyone and their momma.
3. Things I hate the most: Really cold weather, sunburn, hangovers, qualities that are thorns in the character of the human race
4. Things I don't understand: War, my Telecom Systems and Networks class, guys.
5. Things I'm doing right now: Digesting my milkshake I had earlier, listening to TV and watching YouTube = sitting on my lard ass.
6. Things I want to do before I die: Remain debt free. Travel! Do something unorthodox like get a black belt. Do something worthwhile like breed (lol)
7. Things I can do: Cook a damn good mushroom sauce!, be an en…

Smells like home

Even if I'm not home in Samoa, I know I'm definitely home with my parentals when I start having conversations like:

Upon Arrival.

I walk into the arrivals area of Auckland airport, looking like shit after a ten hour flight and starving after AirNZ skimped on food to pay for their ugly new Zambesi uniforms.

Me: Malo mom

Mom: (hugs me) Oka, ua e lapo'a.

Me: (laughing) Ia ua lelei Elle MacPherson! (Turning to my Dad) Malo Dad.

Dad: Malo Filifotu Franisha, ua a? Ova le magaia o le Mac salad a le au Hawaii a'ea?

Me: (laughing) E ka'i leaga le faiga o ka'ika. Dad, ka fia ai a, makuai oki a le meaai i luga o le vaalele. (Never mind le hangover la lea)

Dad: (Jokingly) O kakou e le koe fai gi kakou meaai, ga o le apu a ma pea le la'a fa'akumu ai le pusa aisa.

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Educate yourself.

Dad: O a mai le aoga?

Me: O la e OK a. Oi, you know that research I did in my Honours year in Samoa, Dad? My supervisor emailed and to…

Just a crazy week.

Some shiet has gone down this week.

1. I hauled ass to finish two 25 page papers, a test and four assignments. Last minute, I know. Blah blah blah. Go Away.
2. I went to campus bar for "lunch" and stayed posted up there for a couple of um, hours longer than I intended. For um, three days in a row before divine intervention took me out to stay with family, away from bars with cheap booze and cool bartenders.
3. My family called me up one morning, 2 days ago and said "Can you fly over tonight?" After deliberating with my conscience regarding my classes I'd have to get out of it, and assignments I'd have to do on the plane, for a split second, I decided.......Ok.
4. In the span of three hours, I did some express Christmas shopping (macadamia nuts for everyone) and called my lecturers/ necessary Homeland security personnel to let them know of a family dishwasher vacancy "emergency" that required my urgent presence in New Zealand.
5. I sat next to a Samoa…

You know you're Samoan.

*A variation on the Samoan calling you out in a crowded street/ at the bus stop/ in the mall.

You know you're Samoan... when in a crowded restaurant and you're walking towards the bathroom past an aisle full of a gang of families enjoying a meal only to hear your rather helpful cousin bellow out from the other side of the restaurant loud enough for the whole street to hear:

"Suga, you can't go out through that way, it's a fire exit, you gotta go out through the front entrance"

(well you don't say... is that what the big sign on the door that said "This is a fire exit" meant?)

*Silence while everyone in the restaurant looks at the poor native who can't read the sign*

"Kai lava kia, o le ou ke alu ou ke pi"

Bless our brown hearts.

Several things

I've been intending to update this for a while and have just been finding the adjustment of not being able to sleep in and actually being required to read and write, rather overwhelming, hence the delay.

Firstly, Tonga.
I'm not as informed as I'd like to be except to know that there are riots, people are dying and our Pacific brothers and sisters are in a state of political, economic and social turmoil. I am saddened by the loss of life and I am worried at the apparent climate of fear that eminates from such events. An uprising against the monarch? Maybe, certainly possible. Tradition and Progress, it's hard to tell whether the two are mutually exclusive in this case. The monarch, a source of national pride or a source of wealth to a select few? A King. A father figure or a hoarder of national wealth parading under the emblem of "tradition". Probably a combination. I don't presume to know just what is going on and who is responsible, nor am I in any…

I'm just bitter.

I am : in class at the moment. I presented earlier in the class and therefore I have shamefully zoned out. Yes, the guilt and shame keeps me up at night.

I have : misplaced my camera and my favourite lip gloss. I know, I know, it's horrible. Living without these things is a day by day struggle. God help us all.

I got : stinking drunk last night. A late lunch ended up being a belated Oktoberfest. Highlight of the night - Helping myself to some girl's bowl of peanuts thinking they were bar peanuts. What? I had the munchies and it's not like she had her name on them.

I take : no responsibility for my dramatic "But I just don't wanna go to school" tanty I threw earlier today. It was my inner hungover lazy University student in me. No relation to, but bears a striking resemblance to the outer hungover lazy University student that is me.

I think : the whole Izzy cutting Denny's heart pump wires thing was like, recklessly romantic and passionate and all, but …

Just an update.

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This is a ranty update post, one to break the dry spell and to make sure I have an account of what went on this period in my life (you know, for the grandkids), but mostly so I can spend yet some more quality time away from the growing pile of assignments I can barely see over.

So school has finally picked up. I sound half happy about that because I have pretty much been toasting my already crisp ass for the last three months and it is good to actually have a reason not to go to the beach because quite seriously, I am this close to melanoma. I have an amazingly high number of pages to write in the next couple of weeks and it will be hell and I will complain and moan about every minute of it, but finally, I feel like I'm a student again.

I've been taking a lot of photos, mostly of sunsets and the beach, like I was some kind of National Geographic tree hugger or something which is kind of ironic considering the amount of leather shoe lining occupying my closet space. But oh well, …

Halloween Madness in Waikiki.

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I was a little disappointed at the lack of Halloween spirit I saw through out the day yesterday, after all Halloween is a big deal here, apparently? The word on the street was that Waikiki is where it's at on Halloween night. So just my luck that I had two classes from 3pm to 9pm and I had to present in BOTH classes so I couldn't even ditch class. Ugh. So the day passed with only the odd witch or wizard walking through campus and Halloween only really started when I sat down at my second class at 6pm.

The girl seated next to me was dressed as a pirate and she saw me and immediately plonked a coffee cup of beer down next to me and said "Here girl. Drink up." I thought to myself. This is what I'm talking about. So she and I knock back a few (the whole office is drinking) and then we (get this) volunteered to go first with the presentations (never thought that day would come). She and Iblitz through them "Any questions Didn't think so Thank You!" My f…

Whatever Justin!

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... I dressed in an incredibly sexy man suit, brought sexy back last Halloween.

Or so I tried.



Which explains why I'm still incredibly sexy this year.

Happy Halloween Sexy Bitches!

Rosa Parks does Hawaii

An African American woman walks up to the counter at McDonalds and orders a Happy Meal (I know, I thought only I did that). She gets her order and is given the current Happy Meal toy which is a Barbie doll, as part of her meal. She sits down and eats her meal in the restaurant and upon finishing her meal she goes up to the counter and demands to get a black Barbie doll instead of the white doll she received fifteen minutes earlier.

“Excuse me, can I get a black doll instead of this white one”

“Sorry ma’am, the black doll for the happy meal is coming out next week, we don’t have any in stock right now”

“What? I want a black doll right now, or I want a refund!”

“I’m sorry, we don’t have the black dolls in stock yet, and we’ll have them next week”

“What? This is racist! I want a refund!”

So she continues to demand a refund and progressively gets louder accusing McDonalds of being racist. She eventually grew tired and left but I had to laugh when I heard this story from my cousin who was the …

You're all whores!

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Some poster fun during class

Shaken and stirred.

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So, as people have probably heard Hawaii was shaken awake by a series of earthquakes and tremors that measured up to 6.6 on the Richter Scale at 7.07am yesterday morning.

The temblor brought down hospital ceilings and hundred-year-old homes. It sent huge rocks and landslides into roadways and knocked out power to thousands.


This house is in Manoa just up the road from my dorm. More at CNN.

To say the least, it was a rude awakening. I mean, the sheer nerve of the thing to interupt my insomniac slumber. Well it did and boy did it shake. Especially from my box on the thirteenth floor. I woke in an instant and debated with myself as to whether I should get up and evacuate (thirteen flights of stairs) or just wait it out (can you see the headline? "Samoan decides to take her chances with Mother Nature and dies stony painful death") So after realising that I probably should get up, you know, for my life's sake, I stood up. I remembered on the back covers of those old blue B4 exe…

New Zealand? Isn’t that where Mayorees are from?

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So my absence on here has been noted by oh, me and my friend Jim who told me just kindly to "Hurry up and update yo' shit". I wish I could say that I’ve been off swimming with dolphins and marching for Hawaii’s sovereignty but the disappointingly boring explanation is simply that I’ve been studying. So after the first five weeks of making like Tom and Cruise(ing) through a relatively breezy start to Graduate school, week six was a rather abrupt awakening as I was slammed with an assignment a day. Charming.

In my time here I can not help but find myself drawing parallels and pointing out the significant discrepancies between the US system of Education/ Society and my experience in the drinking hole that is New Zealand University/ Society.

Education - Let me just tiptoe around this issue and try and say this without discrediting everyone that ever graduated from a US Institution but my first impressions of it so far is that it is set up so that nobody fails.

Damning? Maybe. …

People Watching.

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Because I needed to take a minute away from the continuous self inflicted pressure of doing last minute assignments and because no doubt you’re all dying to know what I did last Friday, I’ll share some photos and videos I took while errr, "studying" on the beach last week weekend. I'll call it the...


“People Watching Series”
[click on any of the images for a larger version]


Passersby from my mat.


Lying on the beach.


Waiting on waves.


People on the beach walk and sunscreen in a shoe.


Fa'asolo ou mafaufauga.


People walking in different directions.


Notice the guy behind me is posing for the pic... hehe.


Rotund belly under the shade.


She had a bounce in her step.


Beach Walking.


These videos:
1. Take a bit of a bandwidth. (I’m thinking of when it used to take yonks for videos to buffer on my PC at work in Samoa)
2. Were all taken of people in their natural state. Apparently people don't mind being filmed when they don't know it
3. Suggest that I’m some kind of surfer stalker –…

Eva ia Zipso

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It's the weeeeekeend!
Vaitaimi tonu lava e su'e ai sesi e te lua eva!

Though some of you might share in saying...

I'm fine with my wife, fai mai ai Zipso




And for those of us that aren't wives or privy to having one... Fika le pese ae aua le fika le pasese, fai mai ai lesi koeaiga Vaisala ga!

Manuia evaga o le weekend!

Random Excerpts from my Week.

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Went out on Friday to a bar where I was getting plenty of male attention but only from the men at least a foot shorter than me. I don't know if there was some kind of hobbit convention happening in town but I had to check for the "Dwarfs do it for me" sign plastered on my forehead as every guy on the block under 5'5 asked me to dance. Hilarious, in that disturbing way. I woke up on Saturday morning with a splitting headache and a startling premonition that I won't be going to that place for a short while, like for say, as long as I live. As sorry an excuse as that place is for a bar, there is a seriously hot bouncer at Tsunami's.
Friends and I hit up some beaches on the North Shore, including Pipeline Beach where Kate Bosworth surfs to the cover of Surf Magazine in Blue Crush. I know, I'm letting my delightfully tacky and touristy streak show.



While swimming on Sunset beach with my friend Kel, we could have sworn there was a Miss Hawaiian Tropics pageant …

A rather eventful evening

Lazy day
Thursday night was a relatively hard night spent drinking pitchers of Bud in the only place in Hawaii that has as many beer specials as it has health and safety violations - Magoo's on University Avenue. So Friday day was a pretty lazy day, ok, lazier than usual. A lazy morning that started off at 11.30am, a lazy lunch of Egyptian BBQ which turned out to be less exotic than it's name promises. The afternoon, friends and I decided it would help our productivity to do some work off campus so come 3pm, we decide to hit the beach (of course). We're decked out in our bikinis and (XL) sarongs, we set up our mats, lilos on Waikiki Beach and lay back on the sand to engage in some "reading". Three hours later I had managed to do little more than capitalise the shade of brown of my complexion from brown to BROWN and also take some more pictures of sunsets and ocean. Oh, and get my books a little sandy.


Ho'olaulea
After a rather fun but, let's be honest here…

The Week in Review

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Breaking News: King of Tonga dies.

The King of Tonga at peace. The sun has set in the Kingdom of Tonga.

Full story



May He Rest In Peace.

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Local News

My first assignment was due this week. My lecturer in one of my Telecom classes said to us "write an opinion piece on something.” *Blank look from me* before he added, “Oh, and hopefully has something to do with Telecommunications."

While most of my classmates jumped with glee at the opportunity to document their unbridled thoughts on whatever the burning hot issue is at the moment, I found the lack of instruction a bit of a challenge. I haven't done an assignment in so long, it took me a while to remember how to make it sound like I knew what I was talking about. After much fidgeting I finally managed to do a piece on overseas investment into Pacific mobile phone markets that I'm sure is way Not Specific Enough. Anyways, despite that, my friend Jim and I decided that submitting our first assignment was a…

Pizza, Fraulein Maria and a Classical Duet

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I just returned from a pizza party. Or less commonly known as "Let's Get Even Fatter" party. The event was hosted by our Program Officer Gene and his lovely wife Jill at their beautiful home and was a "welcome" for the new USSP (South Pacific) and USET (East Timor) students.

An informal get together to hear about other USSP and USET students Washington DC internships and home country projects and just mingle and get to know each other.



After hearing about some impressive internships in regional organisations in the US and raving reviews for the Broadway musical version of "The Lion King" while (main feature) eating some pizza, we resorted to - get this - gathering around the piano to sing songs! Yes, seriously. I felt like I was in the Sound of Music and I would be adopting Fraulein Maria as my new mother in the next couple of scenes. Not that we don't sing in the islands. It's just been a long time since I've done it while I'm sober a…

Happy Labour Day

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Today being Labour Day holiday - I thought it appropriate that I let today pass devoid of anything too labourous. You know, for the honour of the those that protested for the 8 hour day. Recognise. So, in order to avert the readings for just a little longer do this, I opted for a less energy expending task than absorbing several hundred pages of mostly academic themed horror stories, and had some fun with Flagrant Disregard's flickr toys.

I made these with largely my own pics and some I ripped borrowed off the the net:


The movie poster for my life.


I've always loved this quote.


Came across this quote too from The Quote Garden.


What I used to think at White Sunday.


The complete result of my wasted honour defending morning can be viewed here.

Wild Waikiki Weekend

After my little homesick spiel about a post or two back, I decided to be a dayvah! about it and build my bridge and drunkenly stagger over it already. So, I launched myself at the weekend with the same enthusiasm as Josh Hartnett did at Shannon Sossamon in 40 days and 40 nights. While we're on the topic - it's not that I'm not getting any, I'm just on a vow of abstinence. LOL. F*ck you too.

Friday afternoon. Friends and I went on a sunset cruise in Waikiki on a "catamaran" which they really should just call a plus sized canoe. The best thing about the cruise was that the $30 ticket price included what must be the four sweetest words in the English language. All You Can Drink. The "catamaran" was called something else that's probably not top ten in the sweet stakes but it's up there. Mai Tais. So off we sailed into the sunset on a slightly large dinghy called Mai Tais with all the Budweiser/ wine/ champers and of course Mai Tais you can drin…

Clicks for Crash.

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I just watched the movie "Crash" and it is easily one of my favourite movies. I enjoyed it because I thought the acting was great, the story was powerful and honest and it evoked as many emotions as you could fit in a 2 hour period. Plus, it reaffirmed some truths about certain actors that I always suspected were true: Don Cheadle rocks, Brendan Fraser can not play a character, even one as serious as a District Attorney, without seeming dorky, and Matt Dillon is hot! Even as a bigot.

You know I'm ready to go home when I start attending Pentecostal Church.

So recently, for the first time in a really long time, and certainly for the first time since I got here - I have felt like I would rather not be here. Sigh. I kind of knew that the homesickness couldn't be kept at bay with alcohol and "OMG, I'm in Hawaii" enthusiasm forever, but that didn't stop me from drowning myself in vodka and taking a photo of everything that moved since I touched down in beautiful Honolulu about a month ago. Now that Uni has started and I'm faced with the reality of all that I really came here to do, which unfortunately isn't to shop, get drunk and eat - it's fair to say that the buzz has worn off and the city lights view has gotten kind of old. That and the fact that certain things have happened since I arrived that have made me realise in bold capital letters - YOU ARE NOT HOME! That realisation makes me feel ... Alone. I know I'm not alone - there are friends and resources here who will no doubt be the source of my e…

Five rules to keeping good friends.

1. Share food. See, that's love right there.

2. Let them borrow your stuff. And don't get mad if you see their brother wearing your new shirt.

3. Know some good jokes. Even if it's the same joke you've been laughing at for years.

4. Be willing to shout a round of drinks. Respect them for being on par with your alcohol tolerance and make sure you take pics when they pass out before you.

5. Don't under any circumstances overstep the friendship barrier by cornering someone late at night that you've been calling "sister" and asking her to "spend more time with you." Especially if you are old, married and have just been sharing photos of your two adorable kids with her. Coz that's one way to not only make things fucking awkward but you're well on your waying to losing a friend, you punk ass trust abuser.

Dude, where's my car?

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Oh, it's still parked inside the imaginary three car garage of my imaginary luxury home in my vivid imagination. Phew.

But this guy stole my plate.

Apparently they don't sell Wall Planners in the US of A.

You know those gigantic poster sized calenders, the ones they give out for FREE at NZ Universities? Not a single one FOR SALE in Honolulu. Walmart, Longs Drugs, Sears, Ala Moana. NOBODY sells them. It frustrated the hell out of me today. So much for the land of bloody convenience. They even sell wall planners in SAMOA! A couple of the trying-to-be-helpful store attendants suggested that I might draw one myself on a poster sized sheet of paper. Which, I would you see, except the reason lazy people like me walk the whole of Waikiki looking for something as easy to draw as a poster sized calender in the first place is precisely so that I don't have to draw it myself. Especially after the first couple of places didn't have it, it made me all the more determined to find one. It became about the principle of the matter! I'll find you you damn wallplanner! So I trooped all over town looking for a damn wall planner and all I found was the reason why the timing of American edu…

Day One Down.

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So the first day of class was disappointingly like every other first day of class I've experienced. Lot's of lengthy queues, pushy over eager freshmen and just general chaos. I'm not sure why I expected it to be any different. My first class was... nothing special. Syllabus, assessment, introductions, all that type of riveting stuff. The most exciting thing by far that happened today was that I finally got all my flicks up on to my flickr. All 300 of them! Here's a random selection...







































Plenty more at my flickr.