Hypocrite

Maybe it's real, maybe it's just the crap weather dampening my mood, but here's more on getting caught up in the web called lust. This one's for my anonymous comment poster.

Hypocrite.

Don't put up with a man
who wants you AND someone else.
My familiar voice
echoes in my mind.
Yet, here I am.
Standing on forbidden soil.
Without the resolve or desire to walk away.

Never make excuses for a man.
If he's no good then face it.
He's just no good.
I'd preach as if it were the simplest thing.
Here I find myself justifying your actions.
Believing myself saying
"it's not that simple"

If he can do it with you.
He can do it to you.
It's commonspeak among us
strong independent women.
But so easily I gave in.
With full conviction and nil remorse.
I dare not play the victim.

It's against everything I am.
I've always thought that I was better that that.
I'm above stepping in on another girls game.
And I actually believed myself.
Recently, I've realised - I'm a hypocrite.
Because, it's so wrong.
But I honestly admit - I'd do it again (!)

Powerful and strong.
I thought I was.
Moral and Righteous.
I considered myself.
But who am I fooling?
In thinking that I am so pure and immune to sin.
Probably only myself.

Comments

Anonymous said…
Just because you got burnt doesn't necessarily mean you're not strong Fotu. Keep your head up, it looks like you've learnt from it and experiences like this will only make you stronger.
fotu of samoa said…
Now I'm not saying this is real (lol) but if it were here's what I might say:
I'm not really feeling weak or beaten down. I'm just a little disappointed at myself for turning out to not be who I thought I was. But... I agree with you in saying that life's experiences are all part of the never ending journey of self discovery. And I'm still living and learning. Thank your for your thoughts
Anonymous said…
Being a "good girl" might be great for your parents but I bet it gets old at times huh? If only my life was half as exciting!
fotu of samoa said…
LOL. Nothing wrong with being "good" - whether for your parents or not. And frankly, I think being "bad" is probably a little over-rated too. The way I see it probably a fine balance keeps it real: Too much of something good is bad, not enough of something bad is good enough...lol. Or is that just my crazy justification again? lol.

Anyhow, I appreciate your thoughts.
Anonymous said…
It's funny, but being good can be rewarding at times but nothing gets the blood pumping and the adrenaline flowing more than being a li'l naughty on occassion.

You said, "Recently, I've realised - I'm a hypocrite.
Because, it's so wrong.
But I honestly admit - I'd do it again (!)"
That comment alone shows maturity beyond your years. As time passes, you'll find that things aren't as clear cut as they used to seem and the things we thought to be totally reprehensible don't seem so bad anymore.

I think you're on the right track by being open-minded about the whole thing.
fotu of samoa said…
Well, I have no idea what track I'm headed down and whether it's right or wrong. I agree with you - I've come to realise that things aren't always black and white. A friend of mine said to me: "...there is no right, and there is no wrong - everything is possible and ambiguous" which just spoke mad truth to me.

I also don't think it's about being good or bad or "naughty" as you say (lol). I think it's more about being completely honest with yourself and letting loose your grip on any obligation you might feel to conform to some ideal "you".

That almost sounds like another justification, but.. lol.

As always, I appreciate your thoughts.
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Anonymous said…
hey fotu, i feel ur pain girl, i do! i get that you have strong feelings for this guy and that's watz making you stick around despite everything...let me just say that he'd be a total IDIOT to pass u up for that "other" girl! no let me rephrase that...he'd be the BIGGEST DUMBASS in the entire world!lol. n for the record, i don't think your an idiot at all, heck knows i am in no position to judge watz going on in ur life...i mean, let's face it, we're all hypocrites one way or another at some point in our lives right?...saying something is one thing...doing it is a WHOLE different thing altogether!lol. whatever happens, it's your call and at least you won't ever wonder "wat if"...u know? if u feel that deeply and that strongly and it's worth it, then...GO FOR GOLD SISTAH! u know i always got ur back wateva the outcome may be right?:) Guessed who i am yet?hehehe...nothin' but luv...
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