Nostalgia & Vanity

I discovered an old selfie album with, oh only 450 pics of myself. Lol These are all pre-American Samoa era and I haven't looked through them in years.  Apparently, I fancied myself a photographer taking and curating pics of random shit on my shitty cheap brand digital cameras over the years.  It made me reflect at where I was in the different pics, and I can recall how I felt at that time in my life in certain pics. Party pics, studying pics, bored dorm room selfies, hungover selfies. I want to post the memory I have from some of these, just because I feel like it. Also, I miss how great my skin looked a decade ago!  

Ignoring the books and gawking at the surf(ers) at Kapiolani Park with Kelvin on a Tuesday morning. 
Dorm room vanity
So excited to be drinking Vailima in Hawaii, on this night. Lol
This was at a gay bar in Waikiki, with my gay guy friends because they're fun AF and because I was sick of stupid, useless straight men at that point. On that night I was basically …


Sleep evades, yet again, so here I am to let off some steam in the constant and fruitless search for answers and shut eye.

Big kid is settling into school just fine, although her homework routine is no joke. There’s a 3 page fine print Homework Contract between the teacher, parent and student. We are clearly no longer in American Samoa where I constantly complained about the quality of Homework my kid was bringing home. I asked for better schools, so wish granted! Now enjoy it, Fotu.

My younger one needs to go to preschool. If her tantrums at not being able to go with big sis to school are anything to go by, I need to bite the (fucking $1000 monthly) bullet and put her in pre-school because that’s what you’re supposed to spend your money on, Fotu!

I have been in town all week at meetings and have done the commute home from town during post work rush hour, and let me just say, I will never complain about traffic between Nuuuli and Iliili ever again. Or the cost of fuel in American Sa…


Things I’ve done today:
1. Joined a weight loss challenge.
2. I ate terribly (Chinese food) and wonderfully (cake).
3. Signed up for Youtube Red. I’m (and the kids) are sick of ads.

Things I didn’t do today:
1. Go to the gym. Not yet anyway, hoping the kids sleep early.
2. Enjoy retail therapy buying new clothes for the kids as much as I had hoped or usually do.
3. Get over tequila hangover. Still stuck in it.

Things I felt like doing today:
1. Teleporting to another time/ place/ alternate reality.
2. Interrupting naps. Coz if I’m not sleeping, neither should you.
3. Having tequila.

Today in 3 words:
1. Hard.
2. A.
3. F.

Weekends in #MomLife Pics

Miss 2 - "Hi Mommy!"

Bumper boat fun
First shave ice in Hawaii!
Miss 2 wanted her feet in the water for this pic. Lol
Pool Fun 
Sunday morning breakfast

Weekends in #MomLife

It’s Sunday morning, everyone is groggy. Yesterday was a full on day with the kids. We went to a Pumpkin Festival. Halloween is my kids favorite holiday so they were beyond excited. When I asked Miss 2 what she wanted to see at the festival, her eyes lit up and she said, “I want to see a creepy jack o lantern!” The sun was ruthless yesterday, and we spent much of the day at the Pumpkin Fest chasing shade. Sadly, there were no creepy jack o lanterns, only creepy clowns selling balloon animals. There were also carnival rides, food booths, and hay rides through the pumpkin farm. The kids had fun, and nobody got a heat stroke luckily.

Took the kids for a dip in the neighborhood pool late in the afternoon. This town association this is pretty neat. It gives us to 7 rec centers around the area with pools, tennis courts, playgrounds. I am listing them so the girls and I can tour them and find the best ones.

Miss 6 and I bought all her school supplies in the weekend. This list was so long and …


You are Patron.
Smooth on my lips.
Crisp on my tongue.
Blissfully burning me on the inside.
You hit me like a jolt of light. Expelling ghosts and inciting warmth.
Alight with delight in the dark of night. You’re both the burn, and the salve.
For these earthly aches and pains.
Your kiss is as consuming as it is fleeting.
Because I know, as quick as you came, you'll go. You’ll love me tonight,  Then you’ll ruin me tomorrow.
But I'll seize you anyway. Even just for that moment. Your brief, gentle love is worth the ruin.  So let me drink you, Love me, soothe me.
The next day,  I am ruined. Head spinning. Body wrecked. Heart aching. Still drunk on you. Hating myself. For loving you.  For seeking the burn and craving the salve. I say I'll never drink again. But I don't mean it. If it means you'll love me.  Ruin me, again. Patron.

500th Post! Closure, career & kids.

The therapist turned out to be not as terrible as I envisioned. Except for the fact that he told us in the first half hour that we are already at irreconcilable differences. I immediately felt ripped off. Aren’t you supposed to give me the recipe for us to have a fighting chance? I mean, really? That’s it. I left, losing faith in humanity and more resigned in my view that therapists are losers, or is that therapy is for losers? The jury is still out, still no closure as our future teeters on the edge.

In other news, I got offered a job. The money was not bad but because I am worth extra, I told them (nicely) that I want more money, so I now await whether they will call my bluff. What excites me most about it, is the opportunities to climb, I can see the path so clearly and I can already visualize myself blazing through it. That’s of course, if I haven’t ruined my chances by demanding the world, upfront. As I tend to do, but fuck it, I’m worth it.

The big kid is almost set to start sc…