Sunday, March 05, 2017

Dealing with Rejection

Rejection has been something of a theme in my recent past.

I strongly supported an idea that I cheered on and championed, only for it to be subsequently viciously and unceremoniously rejected.

I then spearheaded an opportunity that made fast progress, only to be abruptly rejected, after I had more or less popped the champagne that it was a done deal.

I have been fighting on my own and others behalf in a case where I simply feel the wrong thing is being done, and disagreement continues as we face the difficulty of being rejected by those whose responsibility it is to do the right thing by us.

The impact of these scenarios, has been to say the least, difficult. Or to be quite frank, it has been pure stinging devastation.

All the emotions of anger, sadness and indignation at life’s seeming cruelty have swept through my being repeatedly over the past few months.  Those who have been tolerant enough to endure the purging of my emotions have continued to remind me that, “everything happens for a reason,” and to “have patience” and that there is will be a “silver lining” to emerge from the wretchedness.

For the most part, these words have been somewhat empty. But there is a sliver of me that clings to this sage wisdom. There is a part of me that needs it. Because the alternative, that this is just the world, and nothing good will come from it, has seemed far worse.

But while life is bleak, I’ve had to consider that maybe, its not worse.  I have in recent days come to realize a few things, that I wish to write here, as if by writing them, I might stand a chance in believing them.

Life doesn’t owe you anything. 

We are often caught up by what we think we deserve. Our ideas about karma are just ways to justify how we feel when the imbalance of fairness in the world seems to have tipped against our favor. The only sure thing in life is simply that it happens. And it might not be what you like, or what believe you deserve or is fair. But it is neither here nor there. It just simply is. It’s only when you consider that you are not in control, and life doesn’t owe you anything, its only then that you can realize how ridiculous your sense of entitlement is, and only then can you relinquish it. The irony is - it’s only when you surrender to this reality, when you let go of what you think you deserve, that you can truly have any chance to receive it.

Clinging to past pains, and seeking explanations for past perceived wrongs, is ultimately a futile exercise that keeps you looking back, and judging yourself, and your life.  Who are you to judge your life? And who are you to say what you deserve in this life anyway?

All we can ask for in life is to be put to use. What you deserve is to have been useful to your family, and maybe to a few others. That's it. And if you have only that, you have everything.

Do your prayers reflect your hearts desires, or do you seek to have been of use, do you seek to be led to your true purpose, no matter what that is?

So just as every moment just is what it was it was, every next moment is fair game, and holds as much promise as the last. So just keep going. Don’t seek to arrive at your dream destination, seek to be guided, seek to be open and ready, and just move forward.

Wednesday, January 18, 2017

New Year notes

Why hello 2017! 

It's late but yesterday was my birthday, so technically my new year just started so my new year resolutions for my (ahem) 33rd year are to:
  1. To be more mindful with my family. To do homework without yelling. To do marriage with less yelling. 
  2. To take less bullshit, and to indulge more freely in the things that make me truly happy and fulfilled.
  3. To save money and remember that I enjoy financial freedom more than the latest whatever-I-don’t-need.
  4. To be clear on, and true to the vision for my life and career.  To write down the 5-year plan (again) and to do my best to not veer too far off course (again).
  5. To walk in faith, and remember that my plans may not always be His plans, but it will always work out. 
Wish me luck, and I wish you all luck too xo

Thursday, December 08, 2016

Change reflections.

Can I just say the world has changed since my last blog entry on September 23rd? A few reflections, because, we all know I love a good reflection.

Change is the only constant in life. If it catches you off guard, you deserve it because you got too comfortable and you forgot that life and change are much bigger than just you and just this moment.  In the wise words of Janet, “like a moth to flame burned by the fire, that’s the way life goes.” Life doesn’t care about what you think you deserve, or whether you’re ready, quite the opposite. The bitch will just burn you, like, snap. There. You're crisp.  Ready or not. 

Change is the world pushing you out of your comfort zone because you sat too long there. The more difficult the change, the deeper in the comfort zone you are and the more you needed to get out.  Comfort zones are where dreams get "settled" and eventually die. Get out. Stay out.  

“Getting out” is a state of mind, an epiphany of understanding that this is the universe doing you a favor, something you haven’t been able to do for yourself but needed. "Staying out" is to follow through with your actions and actually living the life the universe intends for you. Staying out is also paying attention to the signs, because there are always signs. Gut feelings. Annoying family members who tell you what you don't want to here. Jealousy. Feeling unfulfilled. Pain. Questions. Doubts. Or shock due to imposed, unexpected and difficult change. 

When (not if) you torment yourself by asking why, and particularly why me? you are simply denying the fact that life happens, and life isn't about just you. We torment because we selfishly think of ourselves as deserving more than what we got, and feel entitled to more. But life does not judge or discriminate. It does not reason, or consider how deserving you think you are. When you let go of what you think you deserve, you free yourself. Go ahead. Be free.

Unexpected and difficult changes force you to confront who you really are, and what your real purpose is in life? For me, it's like dusting off a time capsule I buried ten years ago and going, “Shit! Haven’t see you for ages!” and getting excited about what I found there. Pieces of myself I put there, presumably for a time like this, when I needed reminding, when I needed to see my reflection.