Friday, July 25, 2014

Travel and tummy anxiety

 Today, I depart on a long awaited, much need, and extremely overdue vacation. I have to go to the Cook Islands first for work, and I’m so over work that I am not looking forward to it and I’d rather not go. I’m also having major flying anxiety with all the crazy happenings with flights of recent.

The flight that went down just off the coast of Tafuna earlier this week with the father son duo on their journey to circumnavigate the world was particularly heartbreaking and literally, close to home.

I figure, all this anxiety and tiredness will dissipate once I get a clean break from the grind, lots of sleep and hopefully have a few meals I enjoy.

I am expecting with our second baby, praise God. I’m just crossing into the second trimester, which means for the last 12 weeks I have been a walking bag of hormonal treachery. (Because you know I’m normally such a ray of sunshine? Shut up.)  Completely the opposite from my first pregnancy when I felt as though nothing was really going on except for my voracious appetite and protruding belly.

Well, I am looking forward to some down time, hopefully my mother doesn’t drive me too crazy.

Wish us luck, travelling Gods, be kind!

I hope the rest of you out there are doing well


Wednesday, July 16, 2014

Bad wife award

I am (yet again) the recipient for the bad wife (and not in the good way either) award for forgetting my husbands birthday for the 3rd year in a row! There's really no excuse, I never forgot once before we got married.

Lucky for me, he is definitely the more patient and kind of the two of us. I won't get into the mad fuss I made on my birthday. #facepalm

Needless to say, epic, groveling comeback in the works.

Happy belated birthday husband,

I love you, always.

Your (bad) wife.

Saturday, June 28, 2014

Timata le Gagana

I'm currently reading Timata le Gagana, a book by Fofo Iiga I. F. Sunia on the correct use and application of the Samoan language.

It's useful for people like me, who in pursuit of mastering the English language, have found my wielding of my Samoan tongue shamefully below par.  It's the biggest irony of my "higher education", that I didn't learn, or care to learn the proper command and use of my Gagana Samoa, that is now more precious to me than any degree. Guess the joke is on me, eh!

So, it's in accessible enough language that I'm finding it an informative and entertaining read.  The author's voice is both serious and funny, it feels like he is sharing a fagogo with me as I read through his passages explaining away common mistakes in spoken Samoan language.

A few funny excerpts. I've been guilty of both!:

Failautusi: O la e i luga o le isi laina. Se'i alu ese ona ta'u ai lea i ai na e valaau mai.

O le sasi lenei e malosi ai failautusi i ofisa. E mafua i le faaliliuga o le tali faaPeretania: He is on the other line." Tuu pea ia le nanu a papaplagi, a o la tatou gagana e fia fai ia sa'o ma logolelei.  Tamaiti e, e le o ti'eti'e lou pule i luga o le isi laina! O lae talanoa ai.


Ua augata e mafaufau i le faaupuga Samoa o le faatali le pasi, oso mai loa le kesi - "Ala po e kesi le pasi." Ua uma le pu'e, a ua kesi.


O le fuaitau lea e fia faaliliu o le catch the bus. E le mafai e se isi ona pu'e se pasi! E saoasaoa le mea, toe lapo'a! A e a fia alu i le pasi, usu po e faatali, pe taofi, pe faatu (le pasi).

Get your copy: Timata le Gagana

Friday, June 27, 2014

I’m melting.

Shit. I’m tired, and I’m bloody tired of being tired.

I’m at another one of my famous breaking points where I don’t know if I need to fire people, or just quit.   For a long minute now, I’ve been trying to stay positive and approach things as a challenge, and today, I’m just, done. Over. It.  

Time to go the hell home for the day, methinks before I spontaneously combust.

Monday, May 19, 2014

On humanness.

As humans we are inherently fallible. As humans we are not only capable of making mistakes and being wrong, but we are by design, destined to. Therefore, a frustration or fear of failure is a senseless act of denying our humanness. What we must remember is that, while we are inherently fallible, we are also inherently progressive. Just as we are hard wired to make mistakes, we also have the innate ability and desire to move on and improve from them. Embrace your humanness.

Monday, April 28, 2014

Mournful nights

The rain has poured down every night since we laid you to final rest.
As though the earth too, could no longer hold in its sorrow for your departure.

Only now that the dust is settling after your swansong, that the finality of your death is dawning on me, on us all. I know each of us is silently facing the emptiness that is your glaring absence in our lives now, and in our futures.

I hope you'll forgive us all for the glumness. I know you'd hate it.
You were the antithesis of glum.
You were laughter, light and life.
You were wisdom and love and family.
You were wit, wordsmith, and charmer.
You were father, husband, brother, uncle, patriarch.
You were so much to so many.
So much so, that your loss leaves but a bottomless pit of grief
And an irreplaceable gap in our hearts.

I cling to the fondness of our memories.
I retell the punch line of your jokes.
I remind myself of the soundness and sincerity of your advice.
I remember your pride, sense of self and your humility.
I recall your voice in the songs you sang and poems you shared.
I hold dear to the parts and pieces of you that have undeniably shaped me, comforted me, raised me, loved me. More than you probably ever knew.

I smile, knowing it's probably what you're doing now. Up there amongst the angels, keeping it light and bringing them together.

I am assured in my belief that although you have left this life, you are always with us. What you taught us will guide us, and you will continue to manifest in all that we do and achieve. I hope we make you proud. And I know that you are always safe within the confines of my heart and the hearts of all who loved you, where you'll stay forever.

I love you, Uncle Tate. Rest in Love.

Friday, February 28, 2014

My mom the MBA student

So my mother has been admitted to the MBA program at Massey University and is starting her first paper this semester. I am so proud of her.  Clearly I’m biased but my mother is just one of those women who are endlessly amazing. Every good quality people think I possess, my mother possesses ten fold. (Same might be said for the nasty qualities. LOL! Ok, just kidding J)

At the tender age of twenty, following the sudden death of her mother, she left a college scholarship to pursue her fleeting schoolgirl passions with the Prime Minister’s (at the time) youngest son (she’d hate me for saying that but it’s my blog, sorry mom!). She was married at 21 and raised a bunch of bratty kids and she gave us the best of everything. We are all grown, educated and off in the world sending money back to her. She has checked that box and she rejoined the workforce about 7 years ago (after raising kids and running family businesses for 20 years) and she is currently a Manager in a NZ Government Ministry. She has taken to Public service/ Corporate life like a house on fire and she is now going back to finish what she started to get her piece of paper.  And it is so my mother to consider herself ready for the MBA program without anything but experience, who needs a measly Bachelor’s degree anyway?

I laugh when I think about her in an MBA classroom because I can see her debating with CEOs and lecturers like she was born to do it, because, that’s just how she rolls. She will command the room each time, and she will be critical, firm and eloquent in her contributions and fiery should some poor sod ask to be put in their place. Oh, to be a fly on that wall. I would watch it for sport I tell you.

I offered her some study tips, for which she politely thanked me (thanks little girl). But something tells me, she’s got this. 

Wednesday, February 26, 2014

5am randomness

It's 5am. I've eaten my way through Lili's cookie stash, browsed blogs and news sites (I use the word "news" loosely) all night and here I am stupidly losing precious minutes of stress averting sleep. I do feel sorry for my staff tomorrow.

I recently had a negative pregnancy test. I was instantly relieved and than deeply disappointed immediately after. Maybe this year is the year? Maybe not. Maybe. Time will tell.

Work continues to be the escalating evolving challenge that it's always been. I feel 2014 is going to be a good year after the various breakdowns and epic learning curve last year proved to be.  Mostly, I just feel more like myself than I have in a long while.

Looking forward to a week in Fiji next week with my crazy friends. Girls trip for BFF bride to be Tia before her big day in April. 13 of us going, girls, queens and sex changes!  If you know us, you'll know it is sure to be crazy!  Let's hope there's a stripper pole in Nadi sturdy enough for at least one of these 6ft drag queens to perform!  I'm resting my liver for it, it's only the responsible thing to do, you know?

Hotly debated item right now at my house is where daughter will go to school. The answer is not simple though I will most likely get my way. Because I'm right, I mean, because it's what's best for our daughter (and I'm right).

Trying to get off the cookie crumb trail and back on the healthy living bandwagon. I'm currently researching (procrastinating) my novel new way to tackle this problem (ie making excuses). I feel it coming to me soon (as I enjoy this double chocolate cookie). Yes, it's coming to me (and a glass of milk). As you can see, the struggle is real.

Enjoy your week :)

Ps - Call out a search party if you don't hear from me after next week! Lol

Sunday, February 23, 2014

Nothing to say

I hate when you say, "I have nothing to say."

When you say, "I have nothing to say," it actually says a lot.

It's you not wanting to share with me.
It's you not wanting to work on this with me.
It's some passive aggressive bullshit rather than just having a conversation to sort it the fuck out.
(Ain't nobody got time for dat!)
It's you trying to just accept things for what they are, rather than improve them.
It's some kind if admission that it's too hard for you.
Or I'm not worth it for you.
It's you giving up.

Fight back.
It gives me hope that even though you disagree with me and you hate me right now, you aren't afraid of this challenge and you haven't given up on us.

The day I have nothing to say, is the day I'm done.

They're just words, but I hate it when you say, you've got nothing to say.

Saturday, January 25, 2014

Back to the grind.

So I’m back from Hawaii and straight into the office on a Saturday, not only to tackle the workload but to also to help abate my anxieties about the atrocious amounts of money I spent shopping in Honolulu. I’m experiencing a rush just thinking about it. And now the only rush I will experience will be to the loo because all we’ll be eating for the next couple of weeks will be expired noodles. But who cares, it was all worth it and I could do with losing a few pounds anyway.  

My strict diet and good intentions all went to hell when I came face to face with all the culinary delights Hawaii had to offer. Whatever discipline I had built up over the last 3 months of the year eating relatively clean, dissipated completely in the 7 days I was there.  Aside from the free wine, I hit up all my favorites: Korean BBQ, Japanese bentos, Musubis, mac salad, mochi, Chilis!, and then of course, the vast selection of colorful cocktails available just about everywhere. Let’s just say it was a blowout. A most delicious blow out, but a blow out nonetheless.

On my flight back last night, I resolved to getting back on the fitness bandwagon when I got home. Mentally willing myself to join the 5am Zumba classes and getting back on my Paleo eating scheme.  #Yawn.

My husband just called me to come home and eat freshly prepared chicken salad. I couldn’t hide the disappointment in my voice as I automatically responded: “So no Carl’s Junior for lunch then?”

"No," he says.

"Wow, who died and made you the boss of me?"

I see a cranky dinner in my future.

Good weekend to all.